My 'baby' will be turning 18 mos old tomorrow, and I am feeling quite melancholy about this at the moment...Something about saying "My baby is *18* mos old"...A year and a half...I feel like I cannot say he is my "baby" anymore. He has reached one of those invisible milestones that, for some reason or another, come to mean so much to us...In the blink of an eye he has gone from this teeny, needy, nursing, coo-ing, rolly polly little baby to a running, talking, climbing, jumping, independent toddler who is showing us more and more everyday who he is inside...I used to be able to hold him on my chest by cradling his little bum in one hand, and now his legs dangle down when I carry his sleeping self in from the car after coming home from somewhere after bedtime...
At least he is still small enough to wrap up in my lap and read a bedtime story. But how much longer do I have before he overflows my (ample) lap? Not long enough, I fear...
I think the saddest part is that I know that in what feels like the same 'blink of an eye' I will be feeling melancholy because he is turning 18...
This morning, a guy at work was singing that Talking Heads song that goes "And you may ask yourself 'Well - how did I get here?" I agree - How *did* I get here?
Wasn't I just like 5 years old answering the phone for my dad during the day while he was working in the garage??("Daddy says I don't have to take that shit from no one!")
Wasn't I just 7 (or was it 6?) meeting the "new girl" in first grade who, unknown to me at the time, would go on to be my best friend long into our adult years (and hopefully till the end of our days in this lifetime!); the 'new girl' who went on to become one of the most valuable people in my life?
Wasn't I just 10, running around at the Wahkon Campground with all my camping buddies, not a care in the world besides what I was doing at the moment?
Wasn't I just 14 feeling the rush of emotions that comes with young love and experimentation?
Wasn't I just 18, graduating from high school, the world laid out before me like the sea, the possibilities glistening endlessly on the surface?
Wasn't I just 19, graduating from tech school, starting my career in the 'real world', feeling excited and terrified of the road ahead of me?
Wasn't I just 20, going through one of the hardest periods in my life to date; loosing Paul to suicide and 6 mos later loosing my Linda to a drunk driver? My Linda who, although our time was brief in this life, was and is my soul mate...My soul mate whom I know I will meet again in another life, just as my soul has met (her) in many lifetimes before this one...
Wasn't I just 25 and totally in love and getting married to my high school sweetheart and enjoying our most AMAZING honeymoon?
Didn't I just YESTERDAY give birth to this amazing son who is now turning 18 months old? This little miracle that sprung from our love, and who grew and flourished inside of me for 10 months and continued to thrive solely on the fruit of my own body for an additional 6 months...who has gone from a helpless little being into an independent little person who every day is discovering new things and growing into himself??
How can it be that I am a MOM? How can it be that I am an *adult* with adult worries, adult responsibilities, adult problems, adult thoughts? I spent so much time wanting to get here, and now that I am here, I have a hard time believing it...
So, yes, I wholeheartedly agree you Talking Heads...How did I get here?
