Sending you elsewhere to see something I like...

I hope you will take a second and stop over and check out BHJ's post today at Wind in Your Vagina...If you have never visited him, let me just say that BHJ is a great writer, with an amazing way of visualizing his world and painting it with beautiful words and metaphors, and I am at times insanely jealous of his talents and his ability to so perfectly describe his outlook on the world, which often echos mine, but is expressed more beautifully than I could ever hope to express it.

His post today is wonderful and perfect and powerful.

Tidbit

On my way to work, there is a billboard that is sponsored by some society for healthier people, and it has been advertising the benefits of and promoting eating fresh fruits and veggies.

The other morning as I drove by, I noticed it had been changed to read:

"Grapes: The original grape flavored snack"

Hell yeah. I laughed out loud.

On my mind

Just a couple of things that are / have been on my mind.

-My recent reminiscing of my early days with W got me wanting to go through my old photos. I have been meaning to weed out the duplicates and then someday put them in the empty albums I asked for and received a couple of Christmases ago. On Saturday, I sat on the living room floor and pulled out the big box of photos and started going through them. W sat down next to me while L played with his cars near us. It was GREAT. We reminisced together over memories of days gone by - the good and the bad. And even better than the together-remembering was the deep conversation that followed. We talked about our childhoods and how they affected us similarly and differently (not that we haven't done this before, but it is the first real deep conversation since we became parents, which changes and clarifies your perspective so greatly...) We talked about how I have been going through some really intense reflecting lately, and how I am having issues with my feelings toward my parents right now. We talked about raising L and this coming baby, and how and why we want and NEED and WILL do things differently. It was some intense reconnecting that we REALLY REALLY needed. It was lovely.

-Not too long ago W and I had a conversation about homosexuality. I can't remember what spurred it, and I don't remember the conversation in detail, but the part that makes me sad is that we came to a point where I started getting angry at him for his opinion, and we had to agree to disagree...he truly believes that homosexuality is a CHOICE, that it is a 'learned behavior' and I do not. As far as gay marriage goes, I don't think he could care less either way, but he was surprised and disappointed that I totally believe that TRUE homosexuality is not a choice. It makes me sad that we disagree on that at such a fundamental level.

-W's mom asked us to go out to eat with them on Saturday at a place called Treasure Island. On Saturday morning, as I was getting L dressed, I told him that we were going to meet G-ma and R at Treasure Island and have lunch, and did that sound like fun? His eyes got all wide, he started nodding his head yes, and he said "We gon be PIRATES! We need a boat, too Mama!!!" at first, I was wondering what the heck he was talking about when it dawned on me that Dora the Explorer (L's favorite cartoon character) and her friends dress up as pirates and go sailing off to Treasure Island to look for buried treasure!! I laughed so hard! We had a blast on the way there pretending that the car was a boat, and that the river we crossed was Crocodile Lake; another obstacle that Dora and her friends must cross before they can get to Treasure Island. He woke this morning immediately talking about G-ma and R and pirates and treasure...Ahhh, he's growing up too fast.

-I have almost 15 weeks to go yet in this pregnancy, and it feels like a LONG time, and I am SO SORE. All the time. My hips and back and pelvic region seem to be feeling it much worse this time. Probably doesn't help that I am at the weight already at 25 weeks that I was at at 31 weeks last time. It's a lot of extra weight for my body to carry around...Yeah; I gained THIRTEEN, yes that's 13 pounds in the last 5 weeks (Go ahead and laugh, Kori, it's okay, my doctor did!)...I am not even sure how that is humanly possible, but obviously, for this human, it is. I thought I was doing kind of okay, I figured I would have another 8# month like last month, but it was even worse. I have promised myself and my doctor to buckle down a bit and hopefully slow the weight gain. So yeah, it feels like a LONG time to go. I know it will go by fast, but I am gonna be one crabby mama bear by the time this baby pops out! I am just going to keep walking as much as I can, at least 4 times a week, and keep stretching and hopefully I won't get too much more sore than I am now.

-Here's some more true as hell pregnancy information that, were you never pregnant yourself, you would probably never know. Having a little person kicking you LITERALLY in the anus from the inside is the WEIRDEST.FEELING.EVER. Or maybe she is kicking something like my intestine that's connected to my anus, but my anus is where I 'feel' it. Either way, it is not really all that pleasant. Sorry, but it's been happening, and it's on my mind.

Destiny

I have been thinking back a lot in the last few days to mine and W's early relationship; how we came together, where we have been, what we have come THROUGH together, what our love looked like back then. It has been good for my soul to pull these memories up and revel in their sweetness; not that it has been, by any means, ALL sweetness, but those are the memories I have been thinking about. With all the difficult memories I have been dredging up lately, remembering our years of love has felt good, and helped to balance me out.

I heard a song this morning that I guess I haven't listened to in quite some time and it instantly transported me back to an important incident in our journey that I hadn't thought about in a long time.

We had to have been 22 or 23 when my forever friend R and I took a spur of the moment weekend trip to Tampa, Florida. She was going through a hard time, and needed to get away. She called me on Tuesday and said "Let's go to Florida" and told me the flight details and cost, and said we leave on Thursday.

Now; I had NEVER flown anywhere. I had NEVER seen the ocean. I had NEVER done anything like this. I was 22. I had the money. I was a young professional. I was an ADULT, and I could DO something like this; just take off for the weekend. It didn't take me long to make the decision that Hell yeah, I needed to jet to Florida for the weekend.

W and I were living together at the time, and when I got home that night, I told him our plans.

He was NOT happy. At that time, he was still having some jealousy issues, and was still somewhat insecure in our relationship. I know that the reason for this is because he believed (and somewhat STILL does believe) that I was too good for him, and wondered why the hell *I* was with *him*. He has told me this. Several times.

We had a pretty good argument about it. I could understand some of his fears, but I honestly didn't much care. It was actually a really good thing in that it basically gave me the opportunity to express to him that he needed to get over the jealousy thing, and to realize that if I didn't want to be there, I wouldn't. And that I wasn't going to live the rest of my life in a relationship with someone who can't trust me because of his own insecurities. I had NEVER given him any reason to doubt me or to not trust me. And that I was GOING TO FLORIDA dammit, whether he liked it or not.

I left for Florida with a somewhat heavy heart. Before I left, he was still very cold toward me; obviously still hurt or angry or whatever that I was actually going through with it. The couple of times I talked to him over the weekend, he was quiet and didn't say much, and what he did say was snotty. Which on one hand made me angry, but I also missed him and knew he was missing me. It was the first time we had spent the night apart (let alone a FEW nights apart) in at least 3 years.

Although I was missing him, I had a BLAST!! It was my first adventure. And it was great fun. The ocean was amazing (people have corrected me saying "It's the Gulf, not the ocean", but I fail to see or acknowledge the difference. For me, it was my first trip to THE OCEAN.). So much more powerful and huge and awe inspiring than I had ever imagined it (think how blown away I was when I stepped into the 10 times sweeter Caribbean Ocean on our honeymoon to Jamaica!!). We swam in the ocean, even though it was the end of October and not all that warm. But to us, it was heaven, coming from the chilly fall weather we were escaping. We went to some night clubs. We went to Busch Gardens.

On the flight home, despite all of the fun I had, and the anger I had felt toward W for his childish behavior, I was still very anxious to get home to him. And then this song came up on my CD player, and although it was a song I had listened to a LOT, it was the first time I really HEARD it, and it was SO PERFECT. I remember the sky outside the plane window was dotted with clouds beneath us, and I remember the intensity of the sun way up there, and the lyrics were so spot on and it made me so happy. And I remembered how much I loved and appreciated that man, despite the jealousy issue. And it reminded me of how much light he had brought into my life. And I put that song on repeat and listened to it until we touched down at home, and I was soon to be back with him, and I was nearly me again.

And as cliche as it seems, I still believe he was and is my Destiny.

What our love looks like...

The manifestation of our love...



He makes my heart swell so I can hardly breathe, and my eyes fill with tears.

All the pregnancy stuff is SO SO worth it.

Names, a belly pic, and the untamed jungle (warning - read the last part at your own risk)

Everything going around my brain lately seems so heavy. And difficult. And depressing. And serious. I thought maybe I would go for something a little less all of those today.

Although the task of naming a baby is actually VERY serious. Most of my 5 readers (lol, or so) have had the task of doing this, and so they know. It is serious business, and is NOT EASY, if you ask me.

The whole 'do you have names picked yet?' has been coming up more lately. As it always does. And it really NEEDS to come up; between us, at least.

With L, we went into the delivery room with about 4 names for a girl that we both really liked, but we didn't have as much luck with agreeing on boy names. Since I TOTALLY thought L was going to be a girl, I wasn't so worried about it.

Lo and behold, L was NOT a girl, and he didn't have a name for about 5 hours, at which point I told my dear W that I was sick of calling the baby 'Baby' and that we better figure out what we were going to name him. He had really gotten to like 'L' about halfway through the pregnancy, but I was not so convinced. But when we decided it was between that and one of the names that *I* liked the best, I could not deny that W's choice fit our son much better than mine. And so I let my husband have the final say on his first son's name. The nice wifey that I am, I even let him give him 2 middle names, to honor his father and his uncle, even though I am not big on the whole 2 middle names thing.

This time, we are once again having really no problems with girl names. In fact, right now, we have TOO MANY that I like!! I will undoubtedly get more of the final say should this be our girl, and W and I have already agreed that the baby's middle name can be Lynn, after my good friend Lynda who was killed by a drunk driver 10 years ago at the beautiful age of 21.

So far, we have Amelia Lynn and Nora(h) Lynn in the top slots for girls, both of which W came up with. After that, we also like Cecelia Lynn and Ada(h) Lynn (or possibly spelled Ayda Lynn, which was at the top of our list should L have been a girl). Since I really like the name Maleah (which W has already put the kabosh to), I like the Amelia and Cecelia choices as I could call her Lia for short.

Since I really think this is going to be our girl, we will hopefully be okay, but I really feel for this baby should he come out a he...I have poured and poured over the endless lists of boys names on line, and the only ones that sound good to me at all are mostly names that W nixed last time...Caleb, Elliott, Elijah. I also threw Connor out there a few weeks ago, but was given the 'Are you fucking kidding me?' look by W, so I pretty much know his feelings on that one. I still like Isaac, which was my choice last time, and we both liked it then, so it is about the only one we have come to agree on. I have more recently thought that both Liam and Ro(h)an are okay, but have yet to run either of them by W. I am pretty sure he won't like Liam, but maybe I will be wrong.

**SIGH**

What do you think, my dear readers? What names do YOU like??

Good thing we have a few months left. I'm just hoping my intuition is right this time and we won't even have to try to figure the whole boy name thing out ;0)


____________________________________________________________

Okay, so although I feel like an Oompa Loompa (already), Kori tells me I look cute (or some other equally sweet word), so I decided to give you a peek of my pregnant self.

This was taken a couple of weeks ago already...I think I was like 22 weeks or something...The belly feels and appears larger from MY perspective than it does in the photo. And yes, I am aware that it is going to get MUCH LARGER before this is all over :0)



Hmmm....I need a haircut, no??? My layers are JACKED from going to Great Clips, and my lovely friend who cuts hair (at a fancy pants upscale salon, even) has offered to fix them up for me. I really need to call her and get that taken care of...Thinkin' I'm really going to try for this weekend - that hair is BAD!

_________________________________________________________________

(Okay, so here's your fair warning to just stop now...don't say I didn't warn you...I tend not to blog about stuff like this, but I'm trying to keep it real in regard to the joys of pregnancy for my 'as-of-yet-not-and-may-never-be-in-the-parental-way' reader, and because it's on my mind, AND it's my blog :0) )

Speaking of bad hair, I realized the other day, as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror while climbing out of the shower (something I really try to avoid doing these days!!) that I forgot to take care of some crucial grooming one last time before the belly got to the point that I can no longer see the area of said needed grooming...It is beginning to resemble the untamed jungle down there, and it seems to be migrating quickly above the bikini line...Because I CAN'T really see past the belly well enough to take care of it myself without risking damage to my delicate girl parts, I thought maybe my dear W would be willing to lend me a helping hand...HA! Damn men. He looked like a deer in headlights when I mentioned it last night. Even when I told him I would do it for him, he wasn't convinced...

I guess I can't blame him too much...I am sure he is having flashbacks of our son ripping his way out from 'down there' as he burst into our world, and the flood that followed. It still seems to haunt him...poor wussy...*I* have gotten over it, and *I* was the one being torn wide open...

Guess he will just have to live with the consequences of not being willing to help a girl out with a little maintenance...

She spoke my heart and soul so well - I can't help but send you here...

My friend Marissa over at It's Worth Recording took my breath away today with her post about spirituality, and I cannot help but direct you there. She so adequately spoke exactly how I feel.

She is so RIGHT, and I am so grateful to have found someone who can relate to my feelings so well. Our lives may be VERY different on the surface, but our spiritual paths are definitely running parallel.

So check it out. Or don't. But I sure hope you do, because I think it is such an important message.

Thanks Marissa.

Angry

I wrote a post and emailed it yesterday to Maggie for her Violenced Unsilenced website. I had been debating doing this for awhile, after Maggie encouraged me that my story may help someone. I am not sure when it will be up, but I will let you know.

It turned out to be much harder than I had originally expected it to be. Not the writing, but the feelings that it exposed. As the memories unfolded on the screen, it struck me that those things happened to ME. For so long I have thought that I had addressed the issues and moved on...that I had come to terms with it all. But I realized that for so long, when I thought about those things that happened, it was like watching a movie; those children were not me and my brother, they were just actors...Those adults were not my parents, they were just.actors. It turns out, I hadn't addressed or come to terms with much of anything...My brain had just conveniently removed ME from the equation. They were Other People. Not Me.

I think part of that comes because my mother likes to say "You only focus on the bad. Your life wasn't that bad; there are so many who had it worse."

Yeah. There were and are LOTS and LOTS of people who 'had it worse'. I need only read the stories here to know that, but does that mean that I am not entitled to the pain that I *did* suffer? Discounting the situation as 'not that bad' is an excuse. It is her way of justifying all that happened, and making herself feel okay with exposing us to it all. I know this. But that doesn't help heal that little girl who still witnessed horrible things, even if they weren't the MOST horrible things.

It could also be the fact that I was stoned for a decade. From the time I was 14 until I was in my early twenties, I was stoned. I always told myself I just liked to smoke pot, and that it was all good, but I can see now that I was definitely self medicating, avoiding, hiding.

Writing it all out has left me feeling like an open wound...my emotions are oozing out of me...slowly. And they feel hot, and angry, and they burn as they come. Different emotions keep coming...the more I think about it the more different emotions boil up to the surface. I feel angry, and disgusted, and sad, and confused.

There is just so much coming out lately...Starting with all of the issues that have been coming forth with my dad's spiraling alcoholism and his relationship with L and this coming baby, and now with everything that is coming up from writing for Violenced Unsilenced...it's all working its way slowly to a head it feels.

It's good. I know it is. Things I have wanted to say to my parents for a long time are starting to burst forth from my mouth as they run through my head. Almost by the will of someone else, they come forth, where before they would have just continued to run through my head, WANTING so desperately to be said out loud. That little forgotten girl inside of me is finding her voice. And she is TIRED of the silence, and the waiting, and the holding it all in, it seems. And she is ANGRY.

Like the other day, my mom stopped by and was talking to L about the summer and how much fun they were going to have...she asked if L had a fishing pole, and I said 'No' and she told L that she was going to buy him one so that her and Papa could take him out fishing in the boat.

I was standing at the counter making supper and as the same old thought ran through my head it simultaneously came out of my mouth -

"As long as Papa realizes he isn't going to be drinking before OR during the fishing trip"

It felt SO. GOOD. to say that out loud. I wish he would have been in the room, but it's okay. It still felt good.

My mom looked at me with a hurt look on her face, and proceeded to inform me that she had already had that talk with my dad - that he 'Better realize that E isn't going to put up with you drinking if you want to take her son fishing'...and then she asked me if I really thought she would allow that.

I told her that No, I don't think SHE would do anything to put my child(ren) in danger, that I do in fact trust her to obey my wishes when it comes to my child(ren), but that my Dad needs to realize that there is no leeway on the boundaries I set; that he is going to be forced to make a choice. It may break my heart if he cannot make the right choice, but on this I will not bend. He is going to make a choice - his grandson or his alcohol. It doesn't mean 'just a few beers' before hand, it means you don't drink until AFTER you have my son safe and sound back with me. That my brother and I may have survived him, but I will be DAMNED if I am going to put my children out there and chance them surviving him.

I so so wish he had been there, but it's a step. I felt lighter, and relieved. I know I need to say it to his face, and I really really feel as though the day is coming when it is all going to come out of me, and onto him.

But good as it feels, it hurts me, too. Because it hurts her. It's hurts her probably on so many levels that I cannot even comprehend. And that hurts me, deeply. But I cannot continue to be silent. I cannot. It's not just me, it's MY CHILDREN on the line now. Being a mother changes everything SO MUCH.

She stopped again a few days later, and as she was leaving she said to me

"L is so so sweet, E - enjoy that now, because it all changes...they grow up and leave you. I should know, I have completely lost my son"

Meaning she has lost her son because he married a woman who took him away from her and turned him on her...

"Yeah, but part of that is not your fault -"

"I know, he and I always had a very close relationship"

"-no, I mean part of that is because of Dad."

"Yeah, but what can I do about that? I can't do anything about his problems...and I may be an enabler, but what can I do? My mom lived with the same thing."

BINGO. There it is, the continuation of the cycle. 'What could *I* have done? My mom lived through the same thing...*She* couldn't do anything, what could *I* do either???'

"Well, it's too late now."

"What could I have EVER done?"

It saddens me to no end to see that she doesn't get it. That she came through her experiences with her OWN childhood as the person who perpetuates the cycle. It's all excuses. As my friend Kori said, it's all excuses. Excuses for inaction. Excuses to quell their own feelings of guilt.

It angers me. I am ANGRY at her. As much as she was a victim herself, I still hold her partially accountable and at fault, for letting it happen. And that then CONFUSES me...how can I be SO ANGRY at another victim? But then again, I guess I could look at HIM as a victim, too? Couldn't I? A victim of the disease of alcoholism? A victim to his uncontrollable anger??

I am also guilty of being an enabler myself. By not telling my father EXACTLY what I feel, by not telling him that how he drinks is NOT okay, and that he NEEDS help; by continuing to sweep it under the rug, I myself have become an enabler. By not drawing a line in the sand and saying I love you, but I will not continue to sit by while you drink yourself to death, I will not allow you to have a relationship with my children in the state that you are in, I am allowing him to continue on.

There is so much going on in my head. And I know the pregnancy and the hormones add fuel to the fire. But this NEEDS to happen. But that doesn't make it easy. And it all threatens the relationship with my parents - this delicate balance I have struck between my true emotions and what I want to be...but that relationship is built on sweeping the dirty, hard, disgusting facts under the rug, just as we have always done. I don't want to do that forever. I CAN'T do that forever. It's like balancing a ton of feathers and a ton of bricks...somehow, that ton of bricks is just so much heavier...

Movin' on Up...

After many strike-outs, I finally managed to get my hands on a mattress on freecycle for L's toddler bed, and we set it up on Saturday.

What an excited little boy we have!!

I wasn't ever planning on using a toddler bed. We received an awesome single bed size wooden bed frame with the nice headboard and drawers underneath from my old boss a while back, and just planned on moving L right into that in the downstairs bedroom when it came time to move him out of the crib. However, I discovered that for whatever reason, I am just not comfortable at this point to have L sleeping downstairs, in a big bed, with us upstairs. It may be irrational fears, but I am just not comfortable with it, and decided we had to come up with a different plan. I think if HE was upstairs and we were downstairs, I would be okay with him being that far away, it's just the idea of him being on the main floor and us being upstairs that doesn't sit well...I mean, if someone broke in, he would be the first one they came across, and I am just not okay with that at this point.

Seeing that the big bed is just too large to cram into the room upstairs with the crib, I decided that we would have to find a toddler bed to put in there. I was able to find a used bed frame for $25 at Once Upon A Child after continually not having luck with the ones I was finding on freecycle, and then finally was able to find a mattress this weekend for free!! YAY!!

I also stopped and picked L up his own, brand new pillow (for only $5!!) and got his bed all set up this weekend. He was in 7th heaven, and must have played on his bed with his cars for at least an hour. I couldn't even get him to come downstairs!

Our first attempt at nap time in the new bed didn't go very well, though. There was just too much excitement over the new digs, I think. I could tell there was no way he was going to settle down in a timely fashion and actually FALL ASLEEP on his new bed, so we just used the crib. I am going to give it a little time to loose it's new excitement, and think we will give it a serious go this weekend and try to get him to actually SLEEP on the bed.

L had a pretty funny moment of realization about the whole situation when my In-laws came over and he was showing them his new bed...G-ma said "You get to sleep in your new big boy bed because when the baby comes, the baby will need to sleep in the crib" L stopped in his tracks, thought about it for a second and said "No, MY crib!" I think even if we have the sleeping in the bed thing down before baby arrives, we still may face some regression and objecting from him on letting the baby sleep in 'his' crib.

Seeing him laying in his toddler bed is so bittersweet! I really can't believe how quickly the time goes when it is being measured by your child(ren)'s growth. It truly TRULY goes too fast.

Just life

I have to say again that W is so much more enjoyable when he is not BEYOND exhausted in the evenings from working all day. He has the energy to play with L so much more, and he is so much more the funny, carefree, happy man I fell in love with.

Last night we BOTH went for a walk with L so he could take a trike ride to g-mas house. Even though W really probably shouldn't have walked that far on his ankle (I don't think I have even mentioned THAT yet...I will) and he was even running, which he really shouldn't have done, it was SO NICE to do that as a family. Usually it is L and I. Which I don't mind, really, I love my walks and our time together is great after being apart all day, but it is nice to have daddy along too.

So, the ankle. W called me a few weeks ago at work about 8:30am and informed me that he fell off a ladder and that I should probably come home and take him to the ER. He fell from about 12' but thankfully was not hurt too seriously. He sprained his foot and ankle in multiple places, and got stitches under his chin, and fractured a rib (or two...he didn't tell the doctor about that or me either, until after the fact, so there were no x-rays of his ribs. He knew from previous experience that there isn't much they can do for a fractured rib, although I was still angry at him for not telling the doctor OR ME about that part). So, yeah, it could have been SO MUCH WORSE and we are SO thankful that it wasn't. I work with a guy who fell from 7' and SHATTERED both of his wrists a few years ago. And I guess since we will be having the baby this year causing us to have to pay our full insurance deductable ANYWAY, AND seeing that he is laid off anyway, I guess if it was going to happen, it couldn't have happened at a better time. (See? Right there, so much to be thankful for.)

So due to that, he has been pretty sore and healing the last few weeks, and the last time he went for a walk with us he really over did it on his foot. But I am glad that he came last night, and he seems to be no worse for it today, which means he is healing.

Other than that, not much going on. Pregnancy is good. This baby is CRAZYYYY! Super active, which is good. Although I am hoping this one has a personality similar to L's (and W's) laid back personality, I am beginning to think we ARE going to get our crazy Devil's spawn child this time.

I am reading a book called The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, and it ROCKS. Just what I was craving right now; a heavy, emotional, deep story with characters and a story line that really pulls me in and lets me escape in someone else's strife (a fictional someone else...I wouldn't want to escape into a real person's strife...although it is a factually based fictional story, but really, I guess, there is not much fictional strife that has not or is not happening to a living person...). A story that helps remind me of the important things in life, and that others have made it through much worse than what I am facing. The two books I tried prior to this one just weren't doing it for me, and I returned them to the library unfinished...which I HATE to do, but maybe I will try them again some other time and be able to finish. They were The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (Marissa - I picked that one up cuz of you...I really wanted to finish it, but alas it was just taking me too long to get through) and The Lord of The Flies.

The only problem is that I am staying up way too late reading!! That combined with the fact that after a few hours either on the couch or in the bed my back is achy and I toss and turn for the rest of the night, not getting very good sleep, is making me one tired mama. **SIGH** I know I might as well get used to it again, as it will be the story of my life for at least the next year. Although it is well well WELL worth it, it is one of my least favorite things...I do love me some sleep!! When I am done with this book (which will probably be this weekend) I have Life of Pi waiting for me. Hoping that one grabs me too.

Oh, I also discovered the awesome fact that you can borrow DVD's from the library. For FREE. And keep them for TWO WEEKS. Yeah - it's FREE! LOL...We were going to rent Madagascar for L last weekend, and I happened to be stopping at the library to pick up books and my co-worker asked me to return some items for her, and one was a DVD...DUH, I thought, maybe the library has Madagascar? And they DID! And I didn't have to pay $3 (plus late fees) and L got to watch it over and over again for days. I took it back and found another one that he is loving - They Might Be Giants "Here Come the One, Two, Threes". The only downfall is the selection gets pretty picked over, but I have some reserved and can find good enough stuff in the meantime.

So yeah, that's life right now. Just floating on. I am still not watching much in the way of news so as to help keep the anxiety at bay. And it's working, which I am thankful for. In this time of so much struggle, I am finding SO MUCH that I have to be thankful for. And that ROCKS.