Hello?

Well none of you 4 (or so) people who used to come see my blog probably even bother to stop by anymore, as I post so sporatically...It's not that I have nothing to share; quite the contrary, I ponder so much all the time that I would LOVE to blog about, but it's just that I don't have TIME to blog...I guess maybe that is a good thing?

It seems when I DO come here to share it is about my babies...but let's face it; right now, my life consists of running (frantically) between my babies and work, and work sucks and is a complete drain on me, and I don't want to waste any more of my precious time and energy on THAT shit. So, baby news it is :-)

I need to post some new photos - Baby C is huge and amazing and OH SO DAMN cute, even if I do say so myself!

The reason I REALLY wanted to blog today was to share yet ANOTHER cute L snippet...we were riding in the car the other day and he was counting. He got to 40 and proclaimed "FORTY! WOW, that's a LOT, Mom"

"Yes, L, it IS a lot! What comes next?"

"Fif-D"

"Good, what's next?"

"Six-D"

And so on and so forth until he got to ninety, and when I asked him what comes next, he paused, did his WAY funny perplexed expression where he crunches up his face and kinda rolls his eyes off to the side and proclaimed

"Ten-D!!"

:D

Great reasoning!

I really try to not be one of those parents who talks non stop about all the things their kid can do, and thinks their kid is SO SMART because they can do X,Y,Z, but I have to admit that I really do, in all honesty, find myself thinking on a regular basis that L seems pretty advanced for his age. Things seem to come easy to him. It makes me happy, and I hope that he continues on that way as he grows - I just know it will make things easier in some ways as he grows up...

In other quick news, Mama got quite spoiled this tax season. We actually got an okay sum of money back on our taxes, which we weren't really expecting, and W and I decided that I should treat myself and upgrade my camera equipment which I have been wanting to do for about 2 years now!! As much as I know I deserve it, and WANT it, it was EXTREMELY hard for me to spend the money on myself. It literally took me a week to finalize my order; and when I had it all ready to confirm, it took me at least an hour to push the 'confirm order' button. There are definitely other (way less fun) things the money could have been spent on, or it DEFINITELY would not have been a bad idea to put it in savings, but since the money is spent, I will admit that I am really happy and excited that I did it. Had I waited another day or two, I can honestly say that I would have probably talked myself out of it. The camera is amazing, and I have taken a TON of photos already, and really cannot wait for summer to come so I can get outside and take some shots of things other than the boys...who, by the way, are already BEYOND sick of me sticking it in their faces!



So yeah, I feel totally spoiled, and I am STILL justifying the purchase to myself, but that's just how I am, and I am used to the guilt.

I AM still alive, I promise!!

Where to begin?

Wow, I can't believe I haven't posted since August 21st. I have thought about it, and wanted to, and there have been a million times that something oh so sweet and cute has happened, and I have started composing the blog post in my head, but when it comes down to actually finding the time to type it out and post it, I fall short. On the days I have both boys (Tuesdays / Thursdays) I don't have time to breath, and on the days it is just the baby and I, I am usually running errands or napping. And when I get the boys to bed at night, I usually just want to shower and go to sleep myself. And, W is still not working consistently, and I find it hard to blog when he is lurking around the house...



8 weeks...my baby was 8 weeks old yesterday. I can't even believe it. He is beautiful and amazing and such a joy. He fit himself right into our family, and it is already hard to imagine a time that we were a family without him. He still looks SO MUCH like his big brother, although he is starting to take on his own unique look. Even though he looks so much like L, L tends to look more like me and my family, but Cj is going to look more like W. I have a baby picture of W from about 6 mos old, and every time I look at Cj, I think of that photo of W. Which is AWESOME. Being adopted, I think that having his children look like him is a very big deal to him...he wouldn't come out and say it, but I can imagine how it must feel that for the first time in his life, he has someone (two someones now!) who actually share his DNA. Two people who share his blood, whose features resemble his own. I think it bummed him out that L came out looking so much like my dad, and so it makes me really happy that Cj is looking more like him.





Ya know there are those babies you hear about, the ones that start sleeping through the night at an unheard of young age, and you think there is NO WAY that they really exist, because your child didn't sleep for more than a couple hours at a shot for the first 6 months, and not through the entire night for 14 months? Well, they DO exist!?! And I HAVE one!?!

I thought for sure it was a fluke when I woke up at 4:30 am on that morning 2 weeks ago with my breasts EXPLODING with pain and thought "He hasn't woken up yet?!!?" and went in to find him still sleeping peacefully. I thought there was NO WAY it would last, and so I was thankful for the ONE great night of sleep, but didn't even start to hope that it might last. But then it happened the next day, and the next, and the next, and I still can't believe that over 2 weeks later he has consistently slept from about 8:30 pm until anywhere from 5-6:30 am!!! I still don't quite know how to handle myself with getting all this sleep and feeling refreshed! Most days, I don't even want a nap! Like I said, at this age, L was up every 2-3 hours to nurse, and I was a walking zombie for the first year of his life. What a delightful difference!! I only hope he keeps it up when I go back to work next month and actually have to use my brain again.

L has been adjusting *pretty* well. He loves his little brother so much, and my heart just melts in to a puddle of goo when L points to his ear and says "He has wittow tiny ears mama, and *I* have BIG ears! And he has wittow tiny nose, and *I* have a big nose! And he has wittow tiny finners, and *I* have BIG finners!" and continues to point to all of Cj's little tiny parts and exclaim how his same parts are BIG! And when Cj cries, and L raises the pitch of his voice just like his mama and tells the baby "Shhhh, it's otay Caywen, don't cry, shhh, it's otay baby, you're otay, mama's comin'"...saying everything that I say to comfort the baby, and patting him on the chest or the head...and then he leans over and kisses his head...*SIGH*. Yeah.

And now, when L cries, Cj is starting to do the sympathy cry!! He pouts out his little bottom lip, and scrunches up his face, and lets out this cry, which I know is his sympathy cry, because it surely isn't his I am hungry, or I am tired, or I need a change, or his just cuddle me cry - it isn't any of those cries...It is definitely a different cry, and it is TOO CUTE!

So L is super cute with his little brother, but he has started acting out a bit, which makes me SO SAD. Could be a combination of his age and the new brother, but he has been naughty like never before. Not always, but he is definitely pushing and testing, and sometimes just plain being naughty. We have started to have issues with him getting out of bed at bedtime, which we never had, and naptime has been sheer hell. It makes me sad when he is naughty.

I think I have been battling a bit of postpartum depression this time...Nothing too serious, but it is a bit more than just the few days of baby blues I went through with L. I feel detached from life and kinda lonely and secluded, but when I DO have the opportunity to do something or get together with someone, I don't feel like doing it. And I have been avoiding doing things that I need to just take care of, and other things that I *should* enjoy doing but just don't have the drive to do right now. It is a bit overwhelming with the two of them, and there are times that both W and I are on the verge of ripping out our hair with L's new naughtiness and trying to figure out the best way to deal with it. I get overwhelmed by the fact that there is always someone or something NEEDING me...if I am not nursing or tending the baby, then L is needing my attention, and if it's not him or the baby, then W needs me, and if it's not them, then the house needs some cleaning, and when the day is over and I finally get a moment to sit down for MYSELF, then the damn CAT needs me!! I remember feeling this way with L too at this age, but it is two fold now that I am trying to balance a baby and a toddler. And I know that, as a mother, this is never really going to go away, is it? But it will get better, and I will get time for myself again at some point (at least a *little* time), and there will come a day, sooner than later, when I miss the chaos of this phase of our life...but right now, in the midst of it, it gets a bit overwhelming at times...

And, W is still not employed, and I have just been trying to ignore that whole situation and the what-ifs and how-the-hell-are-we-going-to-make-its, and so instead of feeling anxiety over it, it is adding to the depressed state. I know I will feel enough anxiety over it in January when the unemployment runs out if he is still not employed. For now, I am going to continue to ignore it, and hope it somehow magically works out.

But for now, I have 5 weeks of maternity leave left; 5 short, precious weeks to focus entirely on this new little person, and I am going to just try to forget everything and enjoy it.

Did I mention that Cj is HUGE?? I had him in for some breathing issues at 5 weeks, and he was 13.5 pounds already!? The doctor told me to quit fertilizing him, and I told her I can't help that my milk is AWESOME and that he likes it so much :-) He goes in this Friday for his 2 month check, I am curious to see how much he weighs now. As for the breathing issues, she suspects he has a condition called Tracheal Stenosis, a narrowing of the windpipe which he will outgrow hopefully within a few months. She offered to send me to the ENT, but said that they will probably at this point want to just watch it, as long as he is not choking during eating. I declined the offer for now, as I trust her in that if she felt we needed to see the ENT she would send me, and she told me if at ANY time I change my mind, or if anything changes or gets worse or I become uncomfortable for any reason, all I need do is call her and she will get us in right away. My friends son had the same thing; a very extreme case of the same thing, and he outgrew it by the time he was one. So, thankfully, it doesn't seem to be anything too serious.

And now, speaking of that new little person, he is awake and needing me, so I gotta go for now.

And Ms. Moon - I *WILL* get to posting our birth story at SOME point, I promise!!

Here is a rare glimpse of me, with the baby:




Here is L and his little brother...L really has no time for the camera these days, hence the looking away from the camera and not smiling, and he is saying something about 'three' as you can see by the fingers he is holding up :-)

Bits and pieces

Today, I am feeling relatively at peace. Mostly because I have not thought about our budget at all yet. I don't have the exact numbers anyway, so there is no point in doing it yet anyway, and for now, surprisingly, I have been able to just let it go. I am only hoping that when the actual numbers come in, the cut won't be quite as deep as we are thinking. I don't even think I mentioned that the salary cut is coming in the form of reduced health care benefits, and very substantial increases in the amount that I will have to pay toward premiums, deductible and services. But as that has been a part of my compensation package for the last 10 years, and we have no other option (ie W doesn't have any insurance that we can check into - I am the sole person with the ability, at least right now, to provide health insurance for our family) it IS a direct pay cut. And I know I am by no means alone in this, and we are lucky to HAVE health coverage, but dammit, it is still a roughly 20% pay cut all at once, and jeezus, how can they just DO that to someone?? And not just me, who has been there for 10 years, but EVERYBODY; even the guy that has been there for 25 years. They have always said, 'We are a small, family orientated company, we care about you, we are a family here'...yada yada yada, all a bunch of shit.

And, there is a LOT more to the whole story, stuff I will not share as it is confidential company information; the reason the cuts are needed is pretty sad and disgusting when you get right down to it, but let me just say that the future is not bright at all around that place, and I don't see myself still there a year from now. Or should say that I seriously hope and plan that I won't be there a year from now. Unless something DRASTICALLY changes soon.

Enough of that, though. I have fun news today too.

L slept in his toddler, aka 'big boy' bed, last night!! I am pretty sure I have talked about the fact that we set it up a while ago, but as of yet, he has been extremely reluctant to sleep in there at night. He LOVES to play in it, but when it comes time to sleep in it, he has so far THOUGHT he wanted to, but as soon as I would leave the room he would get scared and want to go in his crib. Which I have just let him do. It's not so dire that I need to force the kid out of his crib if he isn't ready.

But last night, when we got done reading books, he told me 'I haf ta lay down in my big boy bed!' and so I said sure, but reminded him that if he wants to sleep there he has to STAY IN BED, and I will be checking and if I come up and find him out of bed then he will have to go into his crib. He said 'otay, mama' and layed down. I checked on him every 5-10 minutes, and each time he was still in bed. There was one time when I heard a loud crash and went up to find him standing at the window (still in his bed, as it is right under the window) and that he has pulled the screwdriver out that was holding the window open (I know, I know, that is not a very good set up now that he is sleeping right there - that is W's assignment, to rig a better way to keep the window open) and the window had crashed shut. It scared him pretty good though, and between that and my threats that he better leave it alone or he will get a BIG ouchie, he didn't touch it again.

It probably took him about 45 minutes total to fall asleep, but he did. With his feet at the head of the bed and his head at the foot; but he didn't fall out all night, which I was worried about since he is such a restless sleeper like his dad. When I woke him up this morning I made a big deal about praising him for being such a big boy and sleeping in his big boy bed. So hopefully he is going to make the transition smoothly now!

**SIGH** it is again, as always, a bittersweet moment. I am excited for him to come into our room on a Saturday morning and climb into bed with us and wake us up! But not looking forward to if or when he figures out that he is no longer confined in his bed and can test me at bedtime by getting out of bed! Hopefully he won't ever get there...he never tried to climb out of his crib, though I have no doubts he would have been fully capable of it had he tried.

He also made another step showing he is getting closer to wanting to potty train...the other night we were at my mother in laws for dinner and as they came in from outside to sit down at dinner, he told me 'Mama, I pooped, needa change my diaper'...usually, when he poops, he will deny it till the end of the day!! LOL...even when you catch him in the act of it, grunting and tensing and all, and you ask if he is pooping, he will say "No, I not poopeen". And he has been content to continue on about his day for as long as possible without getting his diaper changed. So that was the first time he showed the initiative to want to have his diaper changed, which is definitely a step in the right direction! YAY!

Speaking of W's assignments (lol) he DID get my garden tilled, although it is a bit of a sore subject as he did NOT listen to me for location, and did not even go with the location that HE brought to the table that I actually liked better than mine, but put it at the bottom of the yard at the dang tree line, which as soon as the few large trees there get all there leaves, is going to be too darn shady to support vegetables. At least that is my opinion. So I am reluctant to even plant anything for the fear that it is going to be a waste of time. But I will do it, and already told him that if it doesn't work this year, he WILL be redoing it in a different location for next year. MEN. I swear. Sometimes even the best of them are just so frustrating! ;0)

L

On my mind

Just a couple of things that are / have been on my mind.

-My recent reminiscing of my early days with W got me wanting to go through my old photos. I have been meaning to weed out the duplicates and then someday put them in the empty albums I asked for and received a couple of Christmases ago. On Saturday, I sat on the living room floor and pulled out the big box of photos and started going through them. W sat down next to me while L played with his cars near us. It was GREAT. We reminisced together over memories of days gone by - the good and the bad. And even better than the together-remembering was the deep conversation that followed. We talked about our childhoods and how they affected us similarly and differently (not that we haven't done this before, but it is the first real deep conversation since we became parents, which changes and clarifies your perspective so greatly...) We talked about how I have been going through some really intense reflecting lately, and how I am having issues with my feelings toward my parents right now. We talked about raising L and this coming baby, and how and why we want and NEED and WILL do things differently. It was some intense reconnecting that we REALLY REALLY needed. It was lovely.

-Not too long ago W and I had a conversation about homosexuality. I can't remember what spurred it, and I don't remember the conversation in detail, but the part that makes me sad is that we came to a point where I started getting angry at him for his opinion, and we had to agree to disagree...he truly believes that homosexuality is a CHOICE, that it is a 'learned behavior' and I do not. As far as gay marriage goes, I don't think he could care less either way, but he was surprised and disappointed that I totally believe that TRUE homosexuality is not a choice. It makes me sad that we disagree on that at such a fundamental level.

-W's mom asked us to go out to eat with them on Saturday at a place called Treasure Island. On Saturday morning, as I was getting L dressed, I told him that we were going to meet G-ma and R at Treasure Island and have lunch, and did that sound like fun? His eyes got all wide, he started nodding his head yes, and he said "We gon be PIRATES! We need a boat, too Mama!!!" at first, I was wondering what the heck he was talking about when it dawned on me that Dora the Explorer (L's favorite cartoon character) and her friends dress up as pirates and go sailing off to Treasure Island to look for buried treasure!! I laughed so hard! We had a blast on the way there pretending that the car was a boat, and that the river we crossed was Crocodile Lake; another obstacle that Dora and her friends must cross before they can get to Treasure Island. He woke this morning immediately talking about G-ma and R and pirates and treasure...Ahhh, he's growing up too fast.

-I have almost 15 weeks to go yet in this pregnancy, and it feels like a LONG time, and I am SO SORE. All the time. My hips and back and pelvic region seem to be feeling it much worse this time. Probably doesn't help that I am at the weight already at 25 weeks that I was at at 31 weeks last time. It's a lot of extra weight for my body to carry around...Yeah; I gained THIRTEEN, yes that's 13 pounds in the last 5 weeks (Go ahead and laugh, Kori, it's okay, my doctor did!)...I am not even sure how that is humanly possible, but obviously, for this human, it is. I thought I was doing kind of okay, I figured I would have another 8# month like last month, but it was even worse. I have promised myself and my doctor to buckle down a bit and hopefully slow the weight gain. So yeah, it feels like a LONG time to go. I know it will go by fast, but I am gonna be one crabby mama bear by the time this baby pops out! I am just going to keep walking as much as I can, at least 4 times a week, and keep stretching and hopefully I won't get too much more sore than I am now.

-Here's some more true as hell pregnancy information that, were you never pregnant yourself, you would probably never know. Having a little person kicking you LITERALLY in the anus from the inside is the WEIRDEST.FEELING.EVER. Or maybe she is kicking something like my intestine that's connected to my anus, but my anus is where I 'feel' it. Either way, it is not really all that pleasant. Sorry, but it's been happening, and it's on my mind.

What our love looks like...

The manifestation of our love...



He makes my heart swell so I can hardly breathe, and my eyes fill with tears.

All the pregnancy stuff is SO SO worth it.

Movin' on Up...

After many strike-outs, I finally managed to get my hands on a mattress on freecycle for L's toddler bed, and we set it up on Saturday.

What an excited little boy we have!!

I wasn't ever planning on using a toddler bed. We received an awesome single bed size wooden bed frame with the nice headboard and drawers underneath from my old boss a while back, and just planned on moving L right into that in the downstairs bedroom when it came time to move him out of the crib. However, I discovered that for whatever reason, I am just not comfortable at this point to have L sleeping downstairs, in a big bed, with us upstairs. It may be irrational fears, but I am just not comfortable with it, and decided we had to come up with a different plan. I think if HE was upstairs and we were downstairs, I would be okay with him being that far away, it's just the idea of him being on the main floor and us being upstairs that doesn't sit well...I mean, if someone broke in, he would be the first one they came across, and I am just not okay with that at this point.

Seeing that the big bed is just too large to cram into the room upstairs with the crib, I decided that we would have to find a toddler bed to put in there. I was able to find a used bed frame for $25 at Once Upon A Child after continually not having luck with the ones I was finding on freecycle, and then finally was able to find a mattress this weekend for free!! YAY!!

I also stopped and picked L up his own, brand new pillow (for only $5!!) and got his bed all set up this weekend. He was in 7th heaven, and must have played on his bed with his cars for at least an hour. I couldn't even get him to come downstairs!

Our first attempt at nap time in the new bed didn't go very well, though. There was just too much excitement over the new digs, I think. I could tell there was no way he was going to settle down in a timely fashion and actually FALL ASLEEP on his new bed, so we just used the crib. I am going to give it a little time to loose it's new excitement, and think we will give it a serious go this weekend and try to get him to actually SLEEP on the bed.

L had a pretty funny moment of realization about the whole situation when my In-laws came over and he was showing them his new bed...G-ma said "You get to sleep in your new big boy bed because when the baby comes, the baby will need to sleep in the crib" L stopped in his tracks, thought about it for a second and said "No, MY crib!" I think even if we have the sleeping in the bed thing down before baby arrives, we still may face some regression and objecting from him on letting the baby sleep in 'his' crib.

Seeing him laying in his toddler bed is so bittersweet! I really can't believe how quickly the time goes when it is being measured by your child(ren)'s growth. It truly TRULY goes too fast.

I may be a total whack-job...

Have I really not posted anything since March 3rd? That's what...(checking my calendar) 2 weeks? Wow...

I've felt weird lately. I have been dealing with my newly discovered anger at being made (or maybe it is just allowing myself) to feel guilt over my loved ones alcoholism. I have found that maybe THAT is what makes me the most angry. And have realized that I have felt it so much and for so long. Not just over the alcoholism, but also due to my parents fighting all the time and some other things too.

I have been teetering and tottering on the edge of full blown anxiety about our finances, and the economy, and what our life may look like in a year or two. I feel like a weeble-wobble...I weeble and wobble, but don't quite fall down. I have been thinking more and more about what may really happen in 2012...Which, BTW, is the topic I have been wanting to blog about that may or may not make you think I am a total whack job...You know how the Mayan and Chinese calendars and Nostradamus all point to 'the end of the world as we know it' in 2012...W is and always has been a believer that something is going to change in 2012, and to be honest, with the current state of the world economy, is it so far fetched to think that life as we know it could possibly be drastically different by 2012? And not in a progressive way, but as in the world economy collapses and we go back to a time of basic survival being the name of the game??? W frequently says that he cannot wait, "Death to the machine" as he says often, and honestly, on one hand, I would probably be okay with a simpler life, but can you imagine the chaos?? So yeah, I am scared about what our life may look like in a couple of years.

And even if you think about it in a bit more sane manner, if not that scenario, I am still concerned about our future as a family...W is still laid off, and I worry. I worry that the residential construction industry will stay stale and we will be faced with him having to find different employment, and with the unemployment rate at record numbers and growing with no end in sight, I worry about even being able to find a job...We are making it on unemployment, barely, and I worry how we will make it when the baby comes...Daycare alone is going to put us right on the edge of solvency without his normal income and without major changes in our life. And I don't want to depend on the unemployment for any longer than we have to. I am just trying to not think about it, and just take it day by day.

I must say though, that W seems happier these days...At least he has energy left when we get home to play with L and we actually have conversations and he is again funny and witty and makes me laugh like he did in the beginning. When working, he is so drained when he gets home, he doesn't have much left for us. I don't blame him, he works his ass off, but seeing this side of him again makes me sad. Sad that he can't have a career or a job that he likes that still allows us to have him complete.

My life is by no means all doom and gloom, thankfully, which is totally what is keeping me from falling over the edge into that abyss of anxiety. The pregnancy is going well, I am feeling the baby kicking and moving every day now, and every day she gets stronger. It is feeling more and more real with every passing week, and I am so excited to meet this addition to our family. I was officially halfway as of last Friday (20 weeks) and we get to have our routine ultrasound on Wednesday of this week. We are going to bring L with, and I am excited to see what he thinks of actually seeing the baby on the screen. He has been to my last couple of appointments with me, to hear the baby's heartbeat, which he will talk about on occasion out of the blue. We aren't going to find out the sex, although I must admit I am tempted this time. But I loved the surprise last time, and although there is a risk of me having gender disappointment if this isn't my girl, I know it will only last for seconds, and is not worth giving up the surprise to avoid.

Not to mention that Spring is showing us a glimpse of her glorious face around here the last week or so, and it feels absolutely wonderful. We have been able to get outside without bundeling up, the air is thick with the pungent smell of thawing earth, there are puddles to splash in, the birds are singing their chorus in the mornings, I have been enjoying beautiful foggy sunrises on my way to work...How can I not find joy and peace in the emergence of Spring?

We are overcome every day by how much joy, love, laughter and happiness L brings to our life. He is so funny (like his dad) and smart (like his mom...oh, okay, and his dad is pretty bright himself) and sweet and sensitive. And he is growing so fast right before our eyes. It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to not slow down and just enjoy him...it is impossible for me not to see that before I know it he will be a boy, a teen, a man.

He is a wild man, and every day is a new adventure...

Like the other day, when he fell head first off the ottoman and wound up with this on his head...




Or yesterday on his first trike ride outside...




We are beginning to be able to see how he is going to be; what personality traits he will have, what his strengths and weaknesses will be. Really getting to know him. And I love it. And it is the best thing in the world...this is what keeps me from falling down.

To stop time...

I have been feeling a desperate need as of late to soak up as much time as possible with L. To etch into my memory every cute little mispronounced word or phrase and every tender moment. To bottle them up and pop a cork on them so that in 10 years or 20 years or 30 years I can pop the top and relive these moments as I am living them today. To preserve and protect them from erosion by passing time. To keep this raw emotion intact.

Or better yet, can I please just pause him here, just for a little while longer?

I just know that I am going to blink and he is going to be growing, growing, grown.

I rock with him in the chair, chest to chest, his head on my shoulder, and his feet rest on my shins and dangle down between my legs...Can this possibly be the same baby? The same baby whose head, just yesterday it seems, fit in the palm of my hand? Whom I could hold on my chest with his butt cupped in one hand?

I am once again feeling so overwhelmed by the swift passage of time...

This morning he is standing in the hallway, repeating something over and over as I am in the living room getting ready for us to leave...I thought he was saying basketball, so I bring him his basketball, only to find him pointing at a ladybug and excitedly repeating

"bakey-bug, bakey-bug!!!"

"Yes bud, that's a ladybug"

he points up to the light "Up high!"

"Did he come from up there?"

"Yeah!"

You are getting too smart, my little peanut.

Too smart and too sweet...

Saturday morning we were snuggling on the couch watching some cartoons, as we always do on weekend mornings, and he turns to me out of the blue, puts his hand on my face and says "I wub you, mama" and kissed me on the lips.

The first time he was on the initiating end of that exchange...

I wub you too, L, more than words can say. Surely more than I ever thought possible.

How-ween; and/or From the mouth of the Babe part 3

We watched "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" as a family last night. W and I have watched it every year for the last few, but this was the first time for L. He laughed his butt off, which was hilarious...He didn't even know what he was laughing at, and he laughed at inappropriate times sometimes, which made it funnier. It was his goofy forced laugh, which made it even MORE hilarious. It was great.


As soon as he saw the gang all dressed up in their ghost costumes, he got really excited

"How-ween!! How-ween!!"

and pointed and looked at me with that excited face; OMG! Look mama, look! Can you believe it?!

That has got to be one of the best parts of being a parent; seeing the big wide world through their eyes, learning again how to revel in simple joys and to recognize the beauty in all things.

The kids at daycare must be talking about 'How-ween' alot, getting excited, because that was the first time he had ever said that. He still doesn't 'get it' though; when I asked him what he wants to be for Halloween, he looked and me, smiled and said "Yeah!", lol.

So he is going to be Darth Vader for How-ween; well, actually, it's Anakin Skywalker, I guess, as he looked when he was a Jedi Knight before he went to the dark side...it is a little black jumpsuit with the different colored buttons on front, a cape, and a little felt Jedi Knight cap. He looks really cute in it, of course, and W is so excited since he had joked a couple of weeks ago that L should be Darth Vader. I didn't plan it, it just happened to be what I found Monday afternoon as I scrambled from store to store quickly between meetings and hoped I would find something suitable and that would not break the bank. I stopped at Halloween express, who happened to have the same Anakin Skywalker costume, but wanted $30 for it!?!? They pretty much wanted $30 for everything in L's size. I ended up stopping at Kohl's on a whim, and lo and behold, they had ONE Anakin Skywalker costume left, in L's size, on clearance for $7.99. Hell's ya, that's what I'm looking for :0)

I had had plans of being all on top of Halloween this year and getting something super cute on-line for cheap, like my stay at home sister in law, but I was not on the ball, and Halloween snuck up on me, and so I did the mad dash. My niece said she wanted to be a duck for Halloween, and she got a TOO CUTE chicken costume, and my younger niece will be a cow. I sometimes get so envious of her. My SIL that is...she always has time to stay on top of stuff like that, like Halloween costumes and 'special' outfits for all the Holidays. Poor L winds up in last minute Anakin Skywalker costumes and everyday outfits for Holidays. But then again, I think *I personally* am more fulfilled with my life than I would be if I stayed at home, not to mention that I know I value the quality of my time with L more because of it, and who needs special outfits for Holidays anyways? It's just one more thing to spend money on that they will wear ONCE in their life...

Did I mention that there is A LOT more adult orientated humor in "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" than I remember or ever picked up on as a kid? Not to mention that scene where Snoopy is a WWII fighter pilot and is flying his dog house and is engaged in a fire fight with the enemy, WTH? I felt like I was tripping...or SHOULD have been!!! Wow, psychedelic. L laughed at that part too. Which was funny. And scary. I had this flash forward vision of him and his friends, 16, sittin' around hittin' the bong laughing their asses off as the psychedelic Snoopy scene unfolds before them. UGH. He is mine and W's son though, so I should not be surprised if, in 14 years I walk in on that episode.

That's what I love about those older cartoons; they always had all this masked adult humor that made it easier for parents to watch along with their kids...I mean, Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go are CERTAINLY not hiding any adult humor.

From the mouth of the babe...Part 2

Me: "Give mama a kiss"

The boy: "NO!"

Me: "Awwww, c'mon, that makes mama sad" Cue sad face

The boy: "Don't want to!" Cue lil' shister smile

You don't want to?! When did you learn that?! Can you even understand that yet?

Guess so. *Sigh*

Of course, I get my kiss. He is just having fun with his discovery of 'teasing'...

His other newest phrase is 'up high', and everything that is slightly out of reach is now 'up high'. LOL...

From the mouth of the babe...

Being as L is saying more and more EVERY DAY I am starting a new line of posts. This will help me track his progress, and give you some laughs or warm fuzzy feelings. Well maybe it won't give you warm fuzzies just reading it here, but it will give ME the warm fuzzies when I go back and read it at a later date!

One of the most recent words L has added to his vocabulary is grapes, which in case you didn't know is pronounced 'greeps', and he has a new found love for them.

Another most recent word is 'bright' and man, those lights are soooo 'breet' in the morning, mama.

He is also in love with Dora and 'Ego' and he actually CRIED last night when I tried to turn the channel as Diego was coming on. I SWEAR he doesn't watch that much TV, but it can't be good that my 21 month old is crying when I tell him he can't watch his show.

Another sign he is not a baby anymore...

My baby spoke a sentence. He did, and it made sense and it was in context! Seems like just yesterday he was barely saying a word and now he spoke a sentence...

We were sitting in church on Sunday (I know, NOT a likely place for me to be, but I have not come completely clean with my family about how my religious beliefs etc have changed, and it was mass for W's grandpa, and it won't kill us, and it was actually a little funny cuz the priest did the sermon on how we should be voting come November, and he did a real good job of letting everyone know who they should be voting for w/o mentioning any names...He didn't have any affect on my decision of who to vote for, however. I now use every rare trip to church to remind me of why we do not attend regularly, but also as a reminder that there ARE SOME good things that can come of it and not to discount it completely) and L was super quiet, just sitting in my lap looking around at all the people and taking it all in while holding on to my neck with a death grip. After we got through the initial part of mass where we are standing and sitting and standing and got to the part where we get to sit for a bit I asked L if he would like to color, to which he enthusiatically said YES! So I got out the crayons and the notepad and he proceeded to draw pretty yellow and blue ("Boo!") and green ("Reen!") circles and jagged lines, and then proclaimed in a bit too loud voice that echoed through the quiet church "Ooooh, I did that!!" as he pointed to the squiggles on the page. Yes you did baby boy, and you just spoke a sentence, too!?!?!

He continued to tell me through mass how "I did that!", as well as on Monday when I picked him up from daycare and he showed me the page of stamping that he had done that day. "Mama, I did that!" as he held the page out for me to see...

**SIGH**

It is SOOO sweet and amazing to hear him speak like this, and at the same time makes me so sad that he is growing so fast. But then today, I was reading Kori's guided journal post in which she has to describe the unique strengths of all her kids and I thought WOW, I can't wait until my child(ren) are old enough that I can see in them unique strengths and weaknesses, and see who they really are and become as people...How cool (hopefully more cool than scary) is that going to be?

So, as much as L speaking a sentence really FREAKS ME OUT, there is SO much to look forward to, and the sentence speaking is just another reminder to me to REALLY enjoy the time I have with L each and every day and never take one day or phase for granted because tomorrow we could be past that and on to the next one.

We're baaaack...

Well, we've BEEN back, but I just haven't had a chance to sit down and blog! Work is busy, and we are in the process of moving our office(which sucks...both the fact that we are moving AND the actual moving part) and I just haven't had time in the evenings to sit down.

Vacation was everything I wanted it to be. L had SO MUCH FUN. He really was in 7th heaven, just as I knew he would be. The weather was GREAT, sunny and 70's. A bit windy on 2 days, but that was okay; L got to fly a kite for the first time, which he loved! It stormed during the night one night, which was cool, but never rained during the day. L also loved going on our friend's boat; he loved being on the 'river', lol...Of course, it was a lake, but as we see the river at home everyday, that was what he was calling it. He also went for a ride on the Ranger (4 wheeler type thing with a bench type seat) and loved it, which was surprising since he won't even sit on the lawn mower with Daddy or get on the 4 wheeler with Papa. He didn't master riding his trike, but did make some progress :0) He had tons of fun running around with the bigger boys, he actually tackled a 5 year old!!! He is a brute. He really enjoyed the merry go round, which makes me dizzy just watching him go round and round! He also was climbing up the playground equipment all by himself, which just made him seem TOO big and independent...It was very fun for W and I to see him interact with other kids.

L also seemed to turn a corner in his speech...as soon as we got there he just seemed to blossom! He started saying MANY words that we had never heard him say before, and also started copying (or trying to copy) most everything we would say. The new words he learned on vacation and now uses are: heavy, in, out, off, on, boat, kite, moon, fire (he REALLY got the hang of the idea of HOT, and that it means an owie, and that you need to steer clear of hot things such as the grill and the fire ring), many names, volleyball, house, horseshoes, morning (as in 'good morning')...and my favorite thing he started saying on vacation is "I want that"!! And, of course, he wants EVERYTHING! LOL...We went to the grocery store and it was 'I want that' every 3 seconds! It's funny too, cuz he will experiment with putting the emphasis on each of the three words...It makes me want to eat him up even more.

I am sure that I gained the required 5 lbs, if not more...usually my friend and I are great about keeping up our walking every day, but we were lazy this year and only walked twice...in 9 days! UGH!! Oh well.

I got some very sweet photos that I can't wait to download and edit a bit and post and print off for my new office wall.

Oh, and we found out that they are tearing down the cabin that we rent and building a new one for next year!! YAY!! The new one will be much more spacious with a much better layout. Of course, the price will go up a little, but not much and I will still be able to make it work so we can go.

I will upload some photos soon for your viewing pleasure :0)

I got it...

Okay, so instead of linking to the photos on my photobucket site I just linked to the file saved on my computer and viola, it worked like a charm. Don't know why, but I didn't want to link to my computer files, but just gonna do it I guess. Probably my lack of knowledge leading to a fear that linking to the file on my computer will lead to someone being able to access my personal files and steal my identity or something...You never know, it COULD happen, I think...LOL.

So anyway, check out the photo of L I took the other day.---------------->>>>


I never cease to be amazed by how cute he is. I mean, I think W and I are decent looking people, for sure, but WOW, L turned out way too cute :0)

A co-worker said of the photo "Huh, is that a hint of what's to come?" referring to L being "behind bars" and I wanted to smack him for putting that bad ju-ju out there!