Pain

(Warning: possibly TMI pregnancy type stuff)

Since Monday I have been having pains. They are coming from the lower part of my uterus, or maybe from some organ behind my uterus, but they are down low. They are sharp. They are not consistent, but they have been off and on all day, each day. I cannot say that they necessarily get better or worse if I change position. I cannot necessarily link them consistently to tightening, so I can't really say if they are contractions or not. My lower back is also very achy, like when Aunt Flo is visiting, which I KNOW for sure I experienced during labor last time. And between the sharp pains I am achy in front like I am when Aunt Flo is around, which I ALSO know I experienced during labor last time. The pains seem better after I have been laying down all night, which makes me think that it is more something like the baby is putting pressure on my bowels and as 'things' try to pass through there, they are causing the pain. I know with my last pregnancy I had REALLY painful gas issues, so it could REALLY be that. Or something like that. I know the baby has dropped more at some point in the last week too.

So I don't really know what it is. I didn't think much of it Monday or yesterday, just thought it would pass, but now it's the third day, and seems to be getting worse, and I really kinda just wanna cry. If this is the beginning of labor, I wish it would just get a move on - and if this is something else, I hope it stops soon, cuz I just don't know how I will make it through another couple of weeks feeling like this.

I've got a call in to my doctor to verify what I can take for stool softeners, cuz I really just think it has to do with that. Hopefully she calls back soon and I can get my butt to the store and get something to rememdy the situation. And either way, I KNOW I can drink some prune juice, and that should help. **Crossing fingers**

Okay, I am done whining. For now.

On a completely different note:

W and I have plans to take L to pick strawberries on Saturday morning. I NEED my strawberries so I can make my jelly for the next year; I just CANNOT do store bought jelly anymore, and I just cracked my last jar from last year this morning. L is going to have SO MUCH FUN! We planted a few strawberry plants in our garden this year, and he had so much fun always checking them for berries, but they have pretty much produced all they are going to for this year. I know it may be a little difficult having him pick at the berry farm since he is only 2.5, but I figure this way I can let W do most of the actual *picking* and I can mostly keep an eye on L...hehehe. Cannot WAIT for some fresh picked strawberries!!

On my mind

Just a couple of things that are / have been on my mind.

-My recent reminiscing of my early days with W got me wanting to go through my old photos. I have been meaning to weed out the duplicates and then someday put them in the empty albums I asked for and received a couple of Christmases ago. On Saturday, I sat on the living room floor and pulled out the big box of photos and started going through them. W sat down next to me while L played with his cars near us. It was GREAT. We reminisced together over memories of days gone by - the good and the bad. And even better than the together-remembering was the deep conversation that followed. We talked about our childhoods and how they affected us similarly and differently (not that we haven't done this before, but it is the first real deep conversation since we became parents, which changes and clarifies your perspective so greatly...) We talked about how I have been going through some really intense reflecting lately, and how I am having issues with my feelings toward my parents right now. We talked about raising L and this coming baby, and how and why we want and NEED and WILL do things differently. It was some intense reconnecting that we REALLY REALLY needed. It was lovely.

-Not too long ago W and I had a conversation about homosexuality. I can't remember what spurred it, and I don't remember the conversation in detail, but the part that makes me sad is that we came to a point where I started getting angry at him for his opinion, and we had to agree to disagree...he truly believes that homosexuality is a CHOICE, that it is a 'learned behavior' and I do not. As far as gay marriage goes, I don't think he could care less either way, but he was surprised and disappointed that I totally believe that TRUE homosexuality is not a choice. It makes me sad that we disagree on that at such a fundamental level.

-W's mom asked us to go out to eat with them on Saturday at a place called Treasure Island. On Saturday morning, as I was getting L dressed, I told him that we were going to meet G-ma and R at Treasure Island and have lunch, and did that sound like fun? His eyes got all wide, he started nodding his head yes, and he said "We gon be PIRATES! We need a boat, too Mama!!!" at first, I was wondering what the heck he was talking about when it dawned on me that Dora the Explorer (L's favorite cartoon character) and her friends dress up as pirates and go sailing off to Treasure Island to look for buried treasure!! I laughed so hard! We had a blast on the way there pretending that the car was a boat, and that the river we crossed was Crocodile Lake; another obstacle that Dora and her friends must cross before they can get to Treasure Island. He woke this morning immediately talking about G-ma and R and pirates and treasure...Ahhh, he's growing up too fast.

-I have almost 15 weeks to go yet in this pregnancy, and it feels like a LONG time, and I am SO SORE. All the time. My hips and back and pelvic region seem to be feeling it much worse this time. Probably doesn't help that I am at the weight already at 25 weeks that I was at at 31 weeks last time. It's a lot of extra weight for my body to carry around...Yeah; I gained THIRTEEN, yes that's 13 pounds in the last 5 weeks (Go ahead and laugh, Kori, it's okay, my doctor did!)...I am not even sure how that is humanly possible, but obviously, for this human, it is. I thought I was doing kind of okay, I figured I would have another 8# month like last month, but it was even worse. I have promised myself and my doctor to buckle down a bit and hopefully slow the weight gain. So yeah, it feels like a LONG time to go. I know it will go by fast, but I am gonna be one crabby mama bear by the time this baby pops out! I am just going to keep walking as much as I can, at least 4 times a week, and keep stretching and hopefully I won't get too much more sore than I am now.

-Here's some more true as hell pregnancy information that, were you never pregnant yourself, you would probably never know. Having a little person kicking you LITERALLY in the anus from the inside is the WEIRDEST.FEELING.EVER. Or maybe she is kicking something like my intestine that's connected to my anus, but my anus is where I 'feel' it. Either way, it is not really all that pleasant. Sorry, but it's been happening, and it's on my mind.

Names, a belly pic, and the untamed jungle (warning - read the last part at your own risk)

Everything going around my brain lately seems so heavy. And difficult. And depressing. And serious. I thought maybe I would go for something a little less all of those today.

Although the task of naming a baby is actually VERY serious. Most of my 5 readers (lol, or so) have had the task of doing this, and so they know. It is serious business, and is NOT EASY, if you ask me.

The whole 'do you have names picked yet?' has been coming up more lately. As it always does. And it really NEEDS to come up; between us, at least.

With L, we went into the delivery room with about 4 names for a girl that we both really liked, but we didn't have as much luck with agreeing on boy names. Since I TOTALLY thought L was going to be a girl, I wasn't so worried about it.

Lo and behold, L was NOT a girl, and he didn't have a name for about 5 hours, at which point I told my dear W that I was sick of calling the baby 'Baby' and that we better figure out what we were going to name him. He had really gotten to like 'L' about halfway through the pregnancy, but I was not so convinced. But when we decided it was between that and one of the names that *I* liked the best, I could not deny that W's choice fit our son much better than mine. And so I let my husband have the final say on his first son's name. The nice wifey that I am, I even let him give him 2 middle names, to honor his father and his uncle, even though I am not big on the whole 2 middle names thing.

This time, we are once again having really no problems with girl names. In fact, right now, we have TOO MANY that I like!! I will undoubtedly get more of the final say should this be our girl, and W and I have already agreed that the baby's middle name can be Lynn, after my good friend Lynda who was killed by a drunk driver 10 years ago at the beautiful age of 21.

So far, we have Amelia Lynn and Nora(h) Lynn in the top slots for girls, both of which W came up with. After that, we also like Cecelia Lynn and Ada(h) Lynn (or possibly spelled Ayda Lynn, which was at the top of our list should L have been a girl). Since I really like the name Maleah (which W has already put the kabosh to), I like the Amelia and Cecelia choices as I could call her Lia for short.

Since I really think this is going to be our girl, we will hopefully be okay, but I really feel for this baby should he come out a he...I have poured and poured over the endless lists of boys names on line, and the only ones that sound good to me at all are mostly names that W nixed last time...Caleb, Elliott, Elijah. I also threw Connor out there a few weeks ago, but was given the 'Are you fucking kidding me?' look by W, so I pretty much know his feelings on that one. I still like Isaac, which was my choice last time, and we both liked it then, so it is about the only one we have come to agree on. I have more recently thought that both Liam and Ro(h)an are okay, but have yet to run either of them by W. I am pretty sure he won't like Liam, but maybe I will be wrong.

**SIGH**

What do you think, my dear readers? What names do YOU like??

Good thing we have a few months left. I'm just hoping my intuition is right this time and we won't even have to try to figure the whole boy name thing out ;0)


____________________________________________________________

Okay, so although I feel like an Oompa Loompa (already), Kori tells me I look cute (or some other equally sweet word), so I decided to give you a peek of my pregnant self.

This was taken a couple of weeks ago already...I think I was like 22 weeks or something...The belly feels and appears larger from MY perspective than it does in the photo. And yes, I am aware that it is going to get MUCH LARGER before this is all over :0)



Hmmm....I need a haircut, no??? My layers are JACKED from going to Great Clips, and my lovely friend who cuts hair (at a fancy pants upscale salon, even) has offered to fix them up for me. I really need to call her and get that taken care of...Thinkin' I'm really going to try for this weekend - that hair is BAD!

_________________________________________________________________

(Okay, so here's your fair warning to just stop now...don't say I didn't warn you...I tend not to blog about stuff like this, but I'm trying to keep it real in regard to the joys of pregnancy for my 'as-of-yet-not-and-may-never-be-in-the-parental-way' reader, and because it's on my mind, AND it's my blog :0) )

Speaking of bad hair, I realized the other day, as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror while climbing out of the shower (something I really try to avoid doing these days!!) that I forgot to take care of some crucial grooming one last time before the belly got to the point that I can no longer see the area of said needed grooming...It is beginning to resemble the untamed jungle down there, and it seems to be migrating quickly above the bikini line...Because I CAN'T really see past the belly well enough to take care of it myself without risking damage to my delicate girl parts, I thought maybe my dear W would be willing to lend me a helping hand...HA! Damn men. He looked like a deer in headlights when I mentioned it last night. Even when I told him I would do it for him, he wasn't convinced...

I guess I can't blame him too much...I am sure he is having flashbacks of our son ripping his way out from 'down there' as he burst into our world, and the flood that followed. It still seems to haunt him...poor wussy...*I* have gotten over it, and *I* was the one being torn wide open...

Guess he will just have to live with the consequences of not being willing to help a girl out with a little maintenance...