Happy Anniversary to W and I...

(Please note that this was intended to be posted Thursday, as that was our anniversary, but I got busy and didn't have time to finish it that night...Also note that this post is just a long trip down memory lane for me and may be a little boring for you :0))


W and I got married 4 years ago today. It was a gloriously sunny day; not a cloud in the sky. It was hotter than hell, like 98 or better, but not a drop of humidity, THANKFULLY. Had it been humid, it would have been miserable. I remember it had been an unusually rainy spring; it rained EVERY WEEKEND for the 7 weekends before our wedding date, and I remember being EXTREMELY worried that it would rain on MY BIG DAY. But, it didn't :0)

W and I spent the night before the wedding apart; my girls and I stayed at the house and booted him out to spend the night at his best man's house...I woke up that morning, rolled over in bed, looked my best friend of 21 years (since we were 5!), R, in the eyes and said "I'm getting MARRIED today!!!!" to which she replied "I know!!!" LOL...it really was the perfect start to a perfect day. There was something very surreal about waking up next to her; it brought me back to when we were kids having sleepovers (which happened often) and it just didn't seem possible that we could be adults, in our mid 20's, her with a babe at home and another on the way, and me getting married...It felt like maybe it was all a dream and we were REALLY still just kids, prentending it was my wedding day.

She was 6 mos pregnant at the time, R was, with her second babe, and although I didn't realize it at the time, I now fully and COMPLETELY can comprehend just how good of her it was to stand up there, in the 98 degree heat, in a modified bridesmaid dress, in a Catholic Church, have tons and tons of photos snapped, stand up and make a toast in front of 275 pairs of eyes, and dance the night away with me all while being 6+ mos pregnant. Not that she would have ever said no - I know it meant alot to her to be a part of my day, but it had to have been hard. Now that I have been pregnant myself, I can say that in NO WAY would I be excited about the prospect of doing all that crap at 6+ months pregnant. I would TOTALLY want to be part of my friend's day, and would TOTALLY do it, but I am sure it was by no means an EASY, super enjoyable day for her. Her part in my special day means even more to me now that I can understand it from that perspective :0)

We got married in a Catholic Church because it was what we knew and what was 'expected' of us. Growing up, that was the only kind of wedding I ever saw, and so my dreams of my wedding day had always been shaped around that. Although I had already moved far FAR away from the religion of my childhood at that point, I was not far enough along in my journey and not strong enough at that point to do it any other way. And I do not regret it, but will say that if I had it to do over again NOW, I would definitely do it different. The only part of it that truly bugged me was the part of the vows that talked about promising to accept the children that god gave us and to bring them up in the Catholic Church...I already had NO INTENTIONS of doing any such thing.

I always thought W would be the nervous one, but as it turns out, *I* shook like a LEAF through the entire ceremony...W was holding my hands and at more than one point had to ask me if I was okay I was shaking so hard. But I made it through, and only sounded a *little* silly as my voice got higher and higher pitched as I recited my vows, so that by the time I said "I do" I am 99.9% sure I squeaked that part out sounding like a mouse. And we only had one awkward moment when the 90 some odd year old ancient priest decided to take a little nap in his chair after communion, and the music had ended and everyone in the church started rustling around uncomfortably, not sure what to do next...I am pretty sure this was when R and I looked at each other and got the giggles, which we were SOMEHOW able to contain to the SILENT giggles, which probably didn't look any different to all the people in the pews than all the SHAKING I had been doing throughout the ceremony anyway.

My brother gave a great TEARFUL speech at dinner, my dad a drunken speech, my friend R a truthful heartfelt one...We ate, and visited and drank (well not me - just a little wine with dinner, but W, he drank...along with a lot of others who had their fill!) we danced, we celebrated, we loved. I got told over and over how I was the most radiant bride people had ever seen; that the love that W and I share was pouring out of us so visibly that day. And it was. And it does. I felt absolutely beyond beautiful that day...which is a feat for me...My self esteem has come a long way since I was a kid / teen, but I still have trouble seeing myself as beautiful, even though people tell me so, but that day, I had no troubles feeling it what-so-ever.








We partied after the reception at our house with our wedding party and some close friends...I remember busting out our bong and smoking some in front of my now sister in law, who was just starting to get serious with my brother at the time, and who probably had some knowledge that W and I were not so straight laced, but had probably never seen pot or a bong in her life, but I didn't care - it was my day and my house. I am pretty sure I went to bed around 4am, in my wedding dress and W came in as the sun came up and the birds were singing good morning.

Most of the wedding party and some of the friends crashed at our place, strewn around our house on couches, chairs and the floor...we were awoken at about 7:30 am by my crazy dad pounding away in the front yard, installing some stone steps that W had been meaning to get to for a while. LOL...my crazy dad...yeah.

I spent a lot of that next day still in my wedding dress and all my dolled up hair and makeup. I figured shit, I paid all that money for all that stuff, might as well enjoy it for as long as possible, right? Although I didn't spend too much money - I bought my dress off the rack on clearance for $100, and only spent $30 on alterations - Yeah baby ;0)



(7 Mile Beach, Negril Jamaica)

We left on Tuesday to spend a week in Negril, Jamaica on our honeymoon, and I will just say that that week was honestly the best week of my life. I have never felt so relaxed, happy and so deeply in love as I did that week. I have never seen such natural beauty as that of the white sandy beaches, teal greenish - blueish clear Caribbean water, the wildness of the jungle as we traveled inland to take a day trip to hike up a stream. THAT was a trip...from stopping on the side of a mountain on the way up to visit a true to live Rasta man who hacked us up fresh pineapple, that he had just picked, with a machete, while trying to get as many marlboro's off us as he could, with a huge doobie hanging out of his mouth the entire time; to eating fresh mango that our tour guide pulled from the mineral spring (OMGOD heavenly), to jumping from a cliff, to diving under the water to pass through a hole in this rock under the water (that was nuts - W wouldn't do it, but I did - I wouldn't do it again, but I am glad I did it once!), to our bus getting pulled over by the police on the way back to our resort. Seems they had some little issues with our driver's paperwork. The 'police', by the way, carried fucking machine guns, and I will be completely honest in saying that I was FREAKED RIGHT THE FUCK OUT as they argued with our driver...I kept thinking 'maybe they AREN'T the police...'. After hasseling our driver for awhile they let us pass, and I was able to relax again...



I pushed beyond my fears of the water and spent lots of time swimming, did a little snorkeling, jumped off the catamaran boat and swam around the caves by Rick's cafe which are amazing...and where the locals cliff jump from CRAZY heights...a few of the people on our cruise tried it too - THAT was one thing I didn't even consider ;0).



We ate candle lit buffet dinner barefooted on the beach most every night, and had fresh fruit smoothies and made to order omelets for breakfast most every morning. We opened the shutters in our room and laid on the bed listening to the rain and thunder which came each afternoon for an hour or so, and then blew away leaving more sunny skies and hot weather. The thunder was truly amazing...louder than any I have ever heard. Must have something to do with rolling out over the open ocean or something...




(Where the magic happened...well, *some* of the magic...some happened in OTHER places too, but we won't go into that ;0) )


(Oh, that hammock was TO DIE FOR. I really almost smuggled it home with me)


Mostly, I think it was just the relaxation that made it all so amazing. Of course, the relaxation was aided by a wonderfully mellow buzz from a little bit of Jamiaca's finest smoke, courtesy of our beach friend Elvis - not too mention all of the banana rum drinks that flowed freely all day and night! I am sure that the weight I gained was more from the banana drinks than all the food I ate!!


(This was the view from 'our spot' on the beach where we spent a LOT of our time...**sigh** wish I was there now :0) )




(Our beach friend Elvis...and me in my standard attire - sarong, tank top and sandles...with a banana rum drink in hand! Hmmm...for someone who really HONESTLY hardly ever drinks, I sure did drink a lot of alcohol THAT week!)

It just really was the most amazing time of my life, and I cannot believe that I almost didn't book the trip because I thought we couldn't afford it. My friend J convinced me that we MUST do it because if we didn't - if we said 'We will do it in 5 years' that we would SO REGRET it and that we probably would not get around to it and I am SO GRATEFUL for her relentless badgering because she was ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. We COULD afford it then; and had we waited, there is no way we would be doing it next year on our 5 year anniversary. There is no way we could afford it now. And in my heart I know that it would not be the same as it was then. The combination of all the stress and planning leading up to the wedding, and the excitement of just being married, and the fact that we didn't have any kids at home to miss (besides the cats!) made it impossible to recreate that same experience 5 years later. However, I do so hope that we are able to make it back there some day and are able to 'somewhat' recreate that level of relaxation, adventure and pure reveling in our love for each other.


(Looking at that photo, all I can think is MAN we look young!)

Bravo for you if you made it all the way through this trip down memory lane with me...thanks :0)