Painting and Purging

I painted my ass off this weekend. There is still a lot of painting to do. FYI, painting trim bites, and it adds A LOT of work to your painting project. I am changing the trim from white to dark brown, so everything requires 2 coats, and I have to paint EVERYTHING, including all those little wood pieces on the window glass too. UGH.

It probably doesn't help that I ended up painting the hallway twice. R- I wish I would've read your response to my last post before I went out and bought a lighter color and painted the ENTIRE stairwell hallway, ceiling included, in the lighter color. The whole time I knew it wasn't going to be right; I just wasn't feeling it. And every time I have painted, I have known before it is dry if it is 'right', if it is what I had fixed in my mind's eye, and this was not it, I could feel it in my gut. And yet, I continued on, and painted the whole damn thing. Then I sat down to the puter and read your response and just KNEW you were right. On Saturday morning, after it was dry, I knew that I had to try the darker color out again, or I would regret it forever. I painted the wall at the top of the stairs in the darker color, right next to the lighter color, and I knew instantly I had made a terrible error. So, I painted the hallway, ceiling included. AGAIN.

I still have a lot of painting to do. I have to second coat the hallway trim, and get a bit more paint to finish the doors. I have about 80% of the trim in the bedroom done, but have yet to paint any walls, except a little bit of ceiling cutting in that I did yesterday while L napped. I will probably work on it in the evenings this week after L goes to bed. I have time before the carpet comes, but I really just want it done.

The good part of this whole painting / recarpet is that I PURGED a ton of shit. It feels so good to be rid of all that stuff that I had not looked at in literally YEARS. I got rid of 3 bridesmaid dresses that have been collecting dust in my closet. I got rid of clothing that was outdated, worn out and outgrown. I discovered how much room we have in our closet and our room and our dressers when we have only what we actually use.

I didn't get rid of everything that just takes up space; some concert / band t-shirts made the cut (they don't fit, but I'm sorry I couldn't let *them* go yet), I had to keep my wedding dress, of course, even though it still carries the dirt from that evening, and even though I will never wear it again, I can't get rid of it. I did, however, move it from the back of the door (where it has been since June 18, 2005 when I was the most beautiful bride ever ;0) ) into the closet, and covered it with a dress bag. Even that made me slightly sad.

I also held on to the (slinky) little black dress that I brought on our honeymoon and wore to the fancy restaurant, as well as a sexy little black number that I wore to a friends wedding in 2003. Although I may never fit in them, I can't give up hope just yet on those dresses.

I am feeling really good purging, and like any pack rat, I have to take advantage of this state before it disappears. I will be tackling the downstairs closet which is CRAZY and houses things like the flower arrangements from my wedding (seriously, when am I EVER going to use those again?) and a box full of used candle wax which I had intentions of melting down into new candles like 5 years ago. That and a ton of other stuff I am not even sure of since I haven't looked at it since I shoved it in there 6 years ago when we moved in. I am SO excited to strip us down of these excess 'things'.

Coloring my world

I took the day off work to get a jump on painting the hall and our bedroom while the boy is out of my hair at daycare :0) There is a lot of organizing and purging that needs to be done before I can even get started painting...

I am almost embarrassed to say that there is probably enough clothing on my bedroom floor in piles to fill 4 garbage bags; just the normal size, not industrial leaf collecting outdoor size bags, but still!!. I think it is time to accept the fact that I may NEVER fit into some of that clothing again, and even if I do, by the time I do I don't think some of it will be the style of clothing I will want to be wearing then :0)

That pile of clothing gives some insight into my question of where the hell all our money went before we had L...Seriously, there are 12, TWELVE, pairs of jeans in a pile that no longer fit me...They aren't all in great shape, but still wearable, and some ARE practically brand new...Those I will keep in hopes that a size 12 IS in my future...That is, of course, assuming that my POST baby size 12 will even fit into my pre-baby size 12 jean cut...**SIGH**

L (and any future babies) are DEFINITELY worth it though, don't get me wrong!

Now, I have 2 pairs of slacks dress pants, 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of workout/sweatpants, about 7 tops that I rotate between for work, and a few t-shirts and sweatshirts that fit me...I am sure to find a few more things in those piles that also fit me now, to add to my current wardrobe. But most of it is going to Goodwill, or that Epilepsy foundation that is always picking stuff.

Anyway, so I am painting today, in preparation for our new carpet. I am still so excited! R came by last weekend and helped me pick carpet and paint colors, thanks R :0) I did a test of the lighter brown in the stairway hall, and I am a *bit* concerned that it might be too dark for that small space, but I have to remember that the carpet is a lot lighter than the existing wood flooring, so that is going to lighten the space up too...Not exactly sure what I am going to do with that yet, if I am going to use it, or possibly go a shade lighter.

I also already have a crockpot full of apples cooking away to make applesauce. I did a small batch last weekend, and it turned out pretty good, so I am tweaking my ingredients a titch, and making a large batch today to can for over the winter. YUMM-O :0)

So, I suppose I had better get my butt off this computer and get moving...I have the tunes CRANKED on the computer, and am excited to get to it. Wish me luck!!

From the mouth of the Babe - Part 4

"Wake up, L, it's time to get up and face the day peanut"

"I dough wanna geh dup"

"You wanna go back to sleep?"

"Yeah"

"Awww, you don't wanna get up and have some milk and snuggle with Mama and watch Blue's Clues?"

"DORA!" he says and is instantly on his feet, bee-bee (blankie) in hand, ready to face the day.

**SIGH** sometimes I think he loves that little cartoon girl more than he loves me ;0) He has even been calling out her name in his sleep.

Writing our History...

What an amazing moment in history we have created.

I have so much more to say, but right now the ideas are all jumbled and it all needs to work itself out in my brain a bit before I put it out there for you internet.

For now I *will* say that I feel very different after this election than I did after the last two elections, even though each time (including this one) I voted for the successful candidate.

I am happy and hopeful and amazed.

Off to the polls...

I am off to cast my vote in this historic election.

I am excited and nervous about what the future may bring.

I can't wait to go all politico geek and watch everything unfold tonite on TV...I am sure my husband will get sick of it within 20 minutes and leave me for the company of his friends :0)

Happy 30th, R

Today, the woman who has been my best friend for the last 24+ years turns 30. I can hardly believe it, as all the memories I have with her feel as though they happened yesterday. I am beyond grateful that she is STILL a part of my life after all this time; and not just a part of my life, but an IMPORTANT part of my life.

We met when we were in 1st grade. She was the new girl, and I don't remember much about meeting her, but I remember I wanted to be friends with the new girl. We both lived in the country, near a small town, but rode different buses. I suppose we became friends because of our parents' shared connection to the local bar. I am not even sure. R probably remembers though, she remembers SO MUCH more than I do :0) I was just thinking the other day that I honestly don't even know where they lived before they came to my town? Funny how you can know someone intimately for the majority of your life and still not know everything about them!

R is completely intertwined in my life; she is as much a part of my history as I am. She knows everything I went through growing up; knows most everything that has shaped me into the person I am today, and I would like to think she feels the same way about me.

I remember so many good times; sliding down her icy driveway, being pulled by the 4 wheeler, the cooking shows we hosted from my sandbox, swimming at Trout Brook, tubing, that time I had my first Big Mac on the way to her cousins house, running around the hills by her house, our fantasy land of Terabithia near the fence corner at the edge of my parent's wooded property, her birthday party that year that we played with the Ouija board and her parents got SOOO pissed at us (OMG, that night still gives me the goosebumps; I had the funniest conversation with her parents the other night about that particular event - they have sworn revenge in the form of the gift of an Ouija board to mine and R's kids when they turn 12 - AHHH!!!), passing notes in high school, hot boxing the car with cigarette smoke on the way to school every morning, fighting!! (Oh the fights we had, LOL, we fought like a couple of wolverines, and about the stupidest stuff sometimes...but we always made up), our impromptu weekend jet-a-way to Florida 7 years ago, her telling me she was pregnant with C, being there at C's birth, learning of her pregnancy with M, her in my wedding 5 months pregnant with M...

I remember lots of tough times too; and sad times and angry times. Those are as much of our history as the good times...

Even though we fought, R was always there for me. She was my confidant, my rock, the one I could go to with anything, the one who understood the difficulty of my home life, the one who told me what I needed to hear, even if I didn't want to hear it, the one who had the guts to tell someone when she thought I had a problem with cocaine in HS (man, I was mad at her...She was right, although it was not coke, but similar...there is much to that story, but that is for another post).

Never could I guess that we would REALLY still be this close at 30 years old, 25 years after we met...We did drift apart for awhile, in the last year of HS (the time of the cocaine incident) and the first couple of years after HS. We had different things going on in our lives. But the Universe had plans for us, that did not include us growing further and further apart. We reconnected at a time when we both really needed it; she was at the beginning of some tough times in her life, and I was moving away from a destructive path in my life and feeling lost and was desperately missing her presence in my life (I didn't at the time know I was missing her so much, but looking back I can see it).

There is something, that I cannot put into words, about the unique relationship that forms with someone who has known you forever. It cannot be matched. It cannot be recreated with someone you meet in your adult life. Yes, strong bonds can be formed with someone you meet later in life, but for me, it will never feel the same as my relationship with R. As I said, she is as much a part of me as *I* am. Without her, I would not be whole. She cannot be extricated from the tapestry that is me.

Today, at 30, R is an amazing woman. Her journey has taken some turns that she never expected, and she isn't necessarily where she thought she would be at 30, but she is there, and she is living life. She is a strong woman (even if she feels weak inside), a great mother, a wonderful friend.

R~ I know that your life is not necessarily what you had pictured it to be, and you may feel that you could be doing things better or different, but just know that you ARE doing a great job, you ARE a great mother and friend, and you are a shining light on this earth, your children DID make a good choice when they chose you, and I am SO THANKFUL to have YOU as part of ME.

I hope that things in your life continue to look up; you deserve it. I wish for you a WONDERFUL birthday.

And I hope that in another 25 years I am saying Happy Birthday to my best friend of 50 years.

I still got it...

I went out on Saturday night for the first time in a LONG time. I met up with a good friend of mine, and the group of girls she was going out with. Most of them I know, but would not necessarily consider them 'friends'. They got all dressed up and looked very good. Due to my slacking this year, I did not have a costume planned, and did not feel like trying to throw one together. I have my sexy vampire costume in the closet from a few years ago, which looked SMOKIN' on me that year, but I am not feeling all that sexy these days, and just didn't want to go there...I would have probably looked okay, but not near how I looked in it a few years ago, and would have just felt self conscious and disappointed in myself. So I just wore one of my outfits that I DO really like how I look in right now, a blue v-neck shirt (that makes my blue eyes totally pop) under a black vest, and my best blue jeans.

We grabbed a bite in a nearby small town and then headed back to our town to the bar. It was GREAT fun, there were a bunch of my good friends from back in the day there, and alot of people I haven't seen in a long time. Of course, as soon as I walked through the door everyone was asking where the hell W was (it's like that if one of us is out without the other) and I tried calling him a few times, but he roofed all weekend he was tired and ended up falling asleep on the couch.

I danced, and chatted, and smoked (hey, it's what I do when I go out; I don't drink, so I figure a little social nicotine ingestion is what I get to do to release when I go out), but the best part of my night by far has to be the compliments I received. I was told by 3 different guys how beautiful I am :0)

The first is a guy who's been my friend for about 15 years, who has expressed openly many times how awesome and attractive I am, and how he has always felt this way about me. Whenever I see him, he reminds me of this, and is not afraid to tell anyone (including my husband) that I am the shit. No matter how many times I hear this from him, it still makes me feel good.

The second was a guy who appeared to be in his early to mid 20's, whom I have never met before. He was dressed as a nerd, and pulled it off very well :0) He was coming out the door to smoke just as I was going in, and said to me as we passed on the stairs "WHOA, beautiful, where are you going so fast?" To which the friend that I had been talking to (who is, of course, friends with W also) said "She's taken, buddy" which made me laugh out loud. The nerd went on to say that that is okay, but that I have the most amazingly beautiful blue eyes that he has ever seen, and that he was very much mesmerized with them. I blushed and said thank you, and tried to accept the praise that was being laid down. I stayed and talked to him for a couple of minutes, in which time he continued to rave about my eyes.

The third was a guy whom I have met only a few times, who works with W, and whom I seem to be sharing some mutual sexual tension with. He is very built, and was dressed as the Incredible Hulk; he had on shorts without a shirt and was painted all green. YUM. My attraction to him is on a very basic level; as in if I were single and looking for a little man meat, I would take him home in a second. The feeling appears to be mutual after the few encounters we had on Saturday night. Any doubts of that were wiped out by the things he said to me, starting with an exclamation that I look better every time he sees me, and including a very descriptive comment he made about what he would do to me were I not with W. He seems to be a nice guy with a checkered past who appears to have problems finding girls that want anything more than a fling with no strings attached. I feel bad for him in that respect, but can understand, I guess! I love my husband VERY much, and have absolutely no desire to cheat on him or not be with him, but I will not deny that a little sexual banter and attention from other attractive men once in awhile feels DAMN good, and is a great self esteem booster.

I have had trouble in the past accepting that men could find me attractive. I have always struggled with my weight and body image. I know I have a pleasing shape, but it gets hidden under a little extra insulation most of the time ;0) Yes, there were a few years in there when I was in GREAT shape, and it was probably the only time in my life that I would say I had a great body to go along with my pretty face and my personality. But even THEN I had a hard time seeing my body as anything but average.

I still don't quite understand it, but get that, at least with the guys that know me, it has to do more with the 'whole package' than anything to do with simply being physically appealing, and I will take overall beauty ANY DAY over simply being 'hot'.

It is great to know that I still got it :0)