Our early X-mas present to ourselves...

We are getting all new carpet in our house, and I am So. Freaking. Excited!!!

We had a tree fall on our house this summer, and did alot of damage to our roof. So we got an insurance settlement to replace the roof, which we did ourselves, of course, since W does that type of stuff for a living, which means we have money left over to make MORE improvements to our house! Replacing our roof was a MAJOR pain in the ass; there were 2 layers of asphalt shingles and a layer of cedar shakes. If that means nothing to you, just know it was a hell of a lot of work. I filled a 10 cubic yard dumpster, BY MYSELF, with a fuckin' plastic wannabe wheel barrow. Then, when I was down to the last little bit, my FIL brought his 4 wheeler over so I could haul the trailor around to load the crap in. Really wish he woulda showed up sooner. Ah well. It's over, thank goddess. But, it was DEFINITELY worth it since I am getting all new carpet out of the deal.

We have been in our house for almost 6 years, and our bedroom carpet is cheap, office type, BABY BLUE carpet with NO PAD underneath it, with mauve walls and pink hand made curtains (WTF kinda color combo is that?), and I HATE it, and have wanted to change it since the day we moved in, but we just haven't had the money (or haven't made it a priority, I guess). We are also going to carpet our stairs, which are just wood right now, but not NICE wood; old wood that has been painted over like 20 times (the original part of our house was built in 1884, the stairs aren't *that* old, but they are not new at all either). W has hated the living room carpet since we moved in, which I don't hate, but it is getting pretty worn and stays all matted down in the traffic pattern now, I can't even vacuum it back up anymore :0(

The other two rooms are not horrible, but both have some stains in them, and for the little amount of additional money, we are going to just do them and be done with it.

I CAN'T wait. W has to do some work to the stairs before we can have the carpet installed, and so I am going to paint the bedroom (which I have ALSO been wanting to do since we moved in, but with the nasty carpet I figured why even bother?) and the hall going upstairs too.

So, this weekend will be spent figuring out paint colors for the bedroom and hall, and picking carpet out...The only problem I have is that W is color blind, even though he denies it, deep down he knows he is (whenever I have to correct him on what a color is, he accuses *ME* of being color blind, LOL)...We have issues when selecting colors because of it, and I DEFINITELY need help selecting colors. I have to have the carpet samples back by Monday, so I am definitely going to need to have my mom and my MIL and anyone else I can give me their opinion this weekend.

R, if you aren't doing anything on Sunday and have time to stop by, I would REALLY appreciate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, it will be a couple of weeks before it is in, but just knowing that it is going to be replaced makes me SO HAPPY!!

Oh, and then for X-mas, W and I decided that I could get my new vacuum cleaner (ya know, gotta have that to keep the new carpet in tip top shape, right?) and he can get some power tool that he needs.

Thank goddess for falling trees :0)

How-ween; and/or From the mouth of the Babe part 3

We watched "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" as a family last night. W and I have watched it every year for the last few, but this was the first time for L. He laughed his butt off, which was hilarious...He didn't even know what he was laughing at, and he laughed at inappropriate times sometimes, which made it funnier. It was his goofy forced laugh, which made it even MORE hilarious. It was great.


As soon as he saw the gang all dressed up in their ghost costumes, he got really excited

"How-ween!! How-ween!!"

and pointed and looked at me with that excited face; OMG! Look mama, look! Can you believe it?!

That has got to be one of the best parts of being a parent; seeing the big wide world through their eyes, learning again how to revel in simple joys and to recognize the beauty in all things.

The kids at daycare must be talking about 'How-ween' alot, getting excited, because that was the first time he had ever said that. He still doesn't 'get it' though; when I asked him what he wants to be for Halloween, he looked and me, smiled and said "Yeah!", lol.

So he is going to be Darth Vader for How-ween; well, actually, it's Anakin Skywalker, I guess, as he looked when he was a Jedi Knight before he went to the dark side...it is a little black jumpsuit with the different colored buttons on front, a cape, and a little felt Jedi Knight cap. He looks really cute in it, of course, and W is so excited since he had joked a couple of weeks ago that L should be Darth Vader. I didn't plan it, it just happened to be what I found Monday afternoon as I scrambled from store to store quickly between meetings and hoped I would find something suitable and that would not break the bank. I stopped at Halloween express, who happened to have the same Anakin Skywalker costume, but wanted $30 for it!?!? They pretty much wanted $30 for everything in L's size. I ended up stopping at Kohl's on a whim, and lo and behold, they had ONE Anakin Skywalker costume left, in L's size, on clearance for $7.99. Hell's ya, that's what I'm looking for :0)

I had had plans of being all on top of Halloween this year and getting something super cute on-line for cheap, like my stay at home sister in law, but I was not on the ball, and Halloween snuck up on me, and so I did the mad dash. My niece said she wanted to be a duck for Halloween, and she got a TOO CUTE chicken costume, and my younger niece will be a cow. I sometimes get so envious of her. My SIL that is...she always has time to stay on top of stuff like that, like Halloween costumes and 'special' outfits for all the Holidays. Poor L winds up in last minute Anakin Skywalker costumes and everyday outfits for Holidays. But then again, I think *I personally* am more fulfilled with my life than I would be if I stayed at home, not to mention that I know I value the quality of my time with L more because of it, and who needs special outfits for Holidays anyways? It's just one more thing to spend money on that they will wear ONCE in their life...

Did I mention that there is A LOT more adult orientated humor in "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" than I remember or ever picked up on as a kid? Not to mention that scene where Snoopy is a WWII fighter pilot and is flying his dog house and is engaged in a fire fight with the enemy, WTH? I felt like I was tripping...or SHOULD have been!!! Wow, psychedelic. L laughed at that part too. Which was funny. And scary. I had this flash forward vision of him and his friends, 16, sittin' around hittin' the bong laughing their asses off as the psychedelic Snoopy scene unfolds before them. UGH. He is mine and W's son though, so I should not be surprised if, in 14 years I walk in on that episode.

That's what I love about those older cartoons; they always had all this masked adult humor that made it easier for parents to watch along with their kids...I mean, Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go are CERTAINLY not hiding any adult humor.

Damn

Damn.

Aunt Flo arrived.

I was really hopeful this month.

I know, I said I wasn't getting wrapped up in trying to conceive, and I wasn't going to get dissapointed, but I can't lie. I am a bit dissapointed. And sad.

But, I guess I can look at it from the view that it will mean one more month that I get to spend with JUST L. He doesn't have to give up the title of cutest baby ever yet.

But still.

Oh, and have you ever tried using a full size maxi, with wings, when you are wearing a thong? Yeah, doesn't work real well. (Time to restock the work stash of tampons...)

At least it is almost time to go home. I can use it as an excuse to throw on some granny panties, some sweats, make some high carb supper and have M&M's with L for dessert...


Note: Pretty sure I don't have any male readers, but if I do, sorry for the TMI...

A letter of thanks...

T-

Becoming a mother has caused me to reflect on my life and the experiences, choices and people that have influenced me. Lately, I have been thinking about your family and what you did for me and what it has meant in my life.

I do not know the extent of your knowledge, but I am sure that you figured out that life at the (family) home was difficult, and at times, volatile. I sometimes joke with people that I was ‘raised in a bar’. The sad part is, that is pretty much how I remember it, and how it felt, at least from my child’s perspective. Many of my memories of childhood involve the bar, hanging out in the booths, or the video store or running around (the town). When I look at L and I think about that it saddens me deeply.

Looking back at it from my adult perspective, I can only assume that your family was also saddened by the situation, and that it was a driving force behind offering me a ‘job’ of buttering buns and helping out around the place, at my young age of 10. I was there so often anyway, might as well earn a little money and have something to do.

I am so thankful that you did. Your entire family; you, (brother), (mom and dad), (Grandma and Grandpa),(sister), (oh and 'resident old bartender' too!) have had a positive impact on my life and have helped shape who I am today, and you ALL mean SO MUCH to me. I remember I looked up to you, T, SO much! And what did you do? You worked your butt off at that place. My work ethic has DEFINITELY been impacted by you and what you taught me! The whole 20 year experience and the larger (business)’s ‘family’ continue to be important in my life and to my family.

I have come to terms with my childhood; with my parents own personal struggles and the choices they made. Although they made some bad decisions, they really are good people and loving parents. Were it not for the situation, I would not have the opportunity to write this letter of thanks. All of those experiences have left me with a clearer vision of who *I* want to be, and the things that I do and do NOT want my OWN child(ren) to experience and learn growing up. I can only hope they are blessed to have some family friends as important to them as you have been to me.

So Thank You, for everything you and your family have done for and given to me. Please feel free to share the sentiment with your (mom and dad) and (brother). I just felt driven to let you all know that you will always hold a special place in my heart.



I will be going today to find the appropriate blank card for this sentiment this weekend, and will be handwriting and sending it out. As it stated, I have been thinking about this family lately, and feel it is important for me to follow through with it. Maybe it is just what one of them needs to hear right now or something. Maybe it is in the spirit of the approaching Thanksgiving Holiday. Maybe it is something that will have a future impact upon my life. I don't know. All I know is that it came to me this morning, and I know if I don't send it, I will regret it forever.

I may have the worst immune system of anyone I know...

It could have been something I ate yesterday, I spose. Hmmmm, I had Eggs with toast for breakfast...the butter and eggs were fresh. I had a few bites of my mom's left over hot dish for lunch; it was from Thursday night, and we had eaten some on Friday and no one got sick, so shouldn't be that...For supper I made a beef roast. That should have been okay. Looked fine when I was putting it in the pan. And then there was the apple crisp that I made last night.

So, either some of that food was the culprit, or I am coming down with the flu. I have felt nauseous all morning, and as the day goes I am starting to feel worse.

Whatever it is, I don't like it. I am going to take the afternoon off and go home and sleep for a bit before I go pick up L.

I could possibly have the worst immune system of anyone I know. Or maybe I am just a wimp. Could be that, too. I hate being sick. As soon as I feel it coming on I get pissed off. That probably doesn't help with the whole 'mind over matter' trick.

Hopefully it is just a 24 hour thing.

Okay, done whining. For now.

Why must they - Part 2

I hate it when people have their fax machine set to automatically send the SAME FAX multiple times, and you go over to the fax machine and it has needlessly printed off 3 copies of the same stupid 5 page fax! SERIOUSLY people. Remember those 3 R's we talked about? Yeah.

So, that little incident got me thinking about another one of my pet peeves which is when people leave the water running full blast while they brush their teeth. My lovely husband does this all the time, and it drives.me.nuts. I will be standing there getting ready and he will come in to brush his teeth and leave that water just runnin' away, and I reach over and turn it off. I can't help myself. It's just unnecessary, and so easily NOT done.

One day he said "That really drives you crazy, doesn't it?"

"Yes honey, it does"

Well guess what, internet? The other day we were standing there getting ready and he actually turned the faucet off! I couldn't believe it. Maybe I will get through to him yet :0)

I don't need to turn him into a total tree hugger, just get him to do the simple things that, if we ALL do them, will add up to alot of eco-friendly benefit. Hell, *I'M* not even a total tree hugger...Take global warming; I definitely think we contribute to global warming, but do not for one second believe that we are the SOLE CAUSE of the current climate change. We are such a blip on the life span of the Earth. The Earth has gone through many extreme times of climate change in the past that had nothing to do with man.

I do, however, ABSOLUTELY believe that we have an obligation to impact our Earth as little as possible, and it just irritates me when people are too lazy to do even the simplist actions that WILL have a positive impact.

I of course, am not claiming to be perfect. I don't expect perfection. I only ask for effort.


Okay, done ranting.

It was a great feeling to have manifested that change of behavior in my husband.

Sweet release

So, despite my promise to myself that I wasn't going to get wrapped up in the whole 'trying' to conceive this time around, I have been unable to completely not pay attention to my cycle. Last month I did really well, the only thing I paid attention to was how long my cycle was. This month, I paid a little bit more attention, and actually went on to figure out approximately when I would ovulate, which happens to be sometime this week (I actually think it was yesterday). So, I made more of an effort to make sure we have been doing the necessary deed a little bit more this week :) I have found myself getting excited and thinking about being pregnant, and checking what my expected due date would be should I get pregnant this month.


(Which would be mid July, right around W's birthday, which feels right to me...then we would have one Capricorn like me and one Cancer like W...although I had always thought a daughter would be the Cap and a son the Cancer ;0) )



Even though I have found myself unintentionally paying more attention, it has NONE of the desperation that accompanied the efforts last time, which is SUCH a relief. I know it is because we have L, and at least we know it DOES work, unlike last time when we suffered multiple losses and were getting scared that maybe it wasn't ever going to work 'right'. So, it feels good! It feels good to have the attitude of "Whatever; when it happens, it happens".


I have been feeling at odds with myself over the whole getting pregnant again thing though. With my inclination to be a control freak and to get anxious over financial issues (whether it is justified or not) part of me has been worried about the future (due to the current economical situation) and questioning the timing. As much as I know that it will happen when it is sposed to, and that it will never seem like the 'perfect' time and that no matter what, it *WILL* work out, I have trouble just letting go.



(It is something I have always struggled with. I am a control freak. I like plans and schedules and order and no surprises. Maybe that partially explains my attraction to pot; it has allowed me to 'let go' and relax, without at the same time loosing control...)



But today, as I was driving back from a jobsite, I had this feeling of peace come over me, as I thought about the possibility that at this VERY MOMENT, sperm and egg could be joining and starting the process of creating what will be a baby; OUR baby. Another human being that is part W and part me...Another light in our life. I felt calm and happy and at peace with whatever tomorrow may bring.



Amidst all of the anxiety I have been fighting back, really for the last year plus (which has only gotten more intense will all the recent crap, which could make the next year even more anxiety inducing than last year) it was a much needed feeling of sweet release.