He did it! And the 4th and other things...

L is back in his 'big boy' bed! YAY! Last night was the second night back in it, and both nights went well. W got him in it on Sunday night, and I am thinking it was a *little* bit against what L wanted to do, but there was no crying going on, so he obviously didn't have to force him. And last night, I just did the same thing, said "Ya ready to lay down in your bed?" and he said he wanted to lay in his crib and I just said "I think you need to sleep in your big boy bed, you love your bed! You slept here last night, let's try again!" and ushered him in, covered him up and left the room. He slept through the night again, so I am hoping we have made it past his first nightmare.

________________________________________________________________


Yesterday I arrived at work and was overwhelmed by the sudden need to get everything caught up and organized and ready for me to be gone RIGHT NOW . I was nesting. Or actually, a better description of what I was doing was PANICKING! So I spent the morning going through all my personal things that had piled up around my desk, cleaned my office and my desk off, and got some information sheets written up on the LARGE projects I have going so the person(s) who takes over for me has some idea of what's going on with each project, and so that important actions and billings do not fall through the cracks. I feel much better today about leaving work at any time.

I do NOT, however, feel the same way on a personal / home level. I have no bag packed for the hospital (and I seriously want my own shampoo and body wash and pajamas - last time I wore the hospital gown the whole time, and am wondering why I didn't bring my own comfy jammies?), I have not gone through L's old clothes to pull out the bare newborn neccessities, the house feels like it is a mess (which will only get 10x worse once we bring the baby home, so I would like to at least START with a very tidy, clean house), etc etc. Honestly? None of that really matters, and the baby will be just fine if I get none of that crap done, but I really want to for my OWN sanity's sake.

I think I may find a positive side to W being laid off when the baby arrives, assuming he has not found work by then...It will be nice for him to be home with me for the first little while and to have that time bonding with the baby. I HOPE he finds work ASAP, but if not, I am going to just focus on THAT aspect of it and not worry, for the time being.

_____________________________________________________________

I took L out of the bath the other night, after letting him soak in some epsom salt and baking soda to clear up some butt rash he had, and as I was drying him off and applying lotion and he told me he didn't want to put his diaper on yet, which I said was fine, we would let his bum air out a bit, which would help it feel better, to which he replied,

"Mama? Can I play wit my penis?"

!!!!!!

Usually, he tells me "I touched my penis", but he has never actually asked if he could play with it! I told him that it is HIS penis, and he can do what he wants with it...I don't want to make him feel awkward about his sexuality at all, and I think maybe I should have just added that that is something we do in private, but to be honest, he took me by surprise, and I guess I will add that part in next time.

________________________________________________________________

We had a good 4th of July, although I can't believe it is over already, and now it kinda feels like summer is on the downslide already. I KNOW it's not - there is plenty of summer left, and after that comes fall, which I love probably more than summer, although I think I love Spring, Summer and Fall equally well, but I just know that before I know it, it will be Christmas again, and then L will be turning 3 and then I will be 60.

Not that there's anything wrong with 60.

Just sayin' that life is going faster and faster and sometimes I just don't like it.

It doesn't help that I am at that point in my pregnancy when I just wanna curl up and sleep until the baby comes. I don't want to talk to anybody; I am just too tired and crabby to chit chat or tell them AGAIN what my due date is, or how long I have left, or about how ready to be done I am, or to answer the question "Are you getting hot yet?" It's fucking 95 and humid and I weigh half a ton; WTF do you think?. My phone rings and I cringe - usually they get my voicemail and I may call back in a timely fashion. I don't have much energy to play with L, and I feel bad that I have to tell him that Mama can't do this or Mama can't do that cuz Mama is just too tired and big, because he just doesn't understand why his usually playful Mama just wants to lay on the couch. I can't make the walk to the duck pond anymore; in fact, most days I don't feel up to making it the 5 blocks to my mother in laws house. It is wearing on both L and I, as we are used to our evening walks after dinner. I miss getting outside and I miss the bit of Mama and L time we get and I miss de-stressing by surrounding myself with nature after being around all that damn technology and electronic CRAP all day...

But then I remind myself that I *AM* almost done, no matter if I go early or late, the end *IS* in sight, and that when it is all over, I *WILL* be sad that I may never ever again get to feel life forming inside of me; never again get to be a vessel for what truly is a miracle, and wasn't I JUST SAYING how life is going TOO fast and here I am wishing the days away and counting them down when I should really just be relishing each and every moment for whatever it is because they are each so precious, and that is what life is about.

***SIGH***

_________________________________________________________

I have a checkup tomorrow, and as much as it hurts, I am anxious to have the doctor check me and to know if I am ripening at all yet. With L, I was walking around dialated to almost a 3 at this point. Granted, I walked around like that for a couple of weeks, but just to know that the process is beginning does wonders for my mental state :0) Not to mention it would be nice to know if the contractions I have been feeling, which are probably just Braxton Hicks (uncomfortable BH ctx, I might add!) are starting to spark some changes down there. I sure do hope so.