Auntie R was really my GREAT Aunt, my dad's mom's twin sister. Being that my G-ma (her sister) passed away when I was like 12, which was close to 20 years ago, Auntie R has really been more like a grandma to my brother and I since then. It really was an easy transition; she looked more like my grandma than my grandma did at the end anyway, and she was just as sweet of an old lady as my grandma, and she loved us like grandkids anyway, not to mention we didn't have ANY of our grandparents left after her sister passed away, so why not. We did not see her a ton, but definitely felt a connection to her, and she to us...
This was Auntie R last summer with L at a family reunion (CORRECTION: I was not thinking when I wrote this...this photo was 2 summers ago). (Can you see the family resemblance? The pale and pasty color with the veins showing? Seriously, though, L and I definitely take after my dad's family, and in the larger version of this photo you CAN totally see a bit of family resemblance...) This was the last time I really got to spend any time with Auntie R with her mind completely intact. It was so great to see her, and for her to spend some time with my first born. L took to her right away, and I have an even sweeter photo of the two of them with him looking up into her eyes and she down into his.
The next time I saw Auntie R she was in a nursing home, and not doing so well. This was probably 6 months ago. She was still fairly mentally intact, but she seemed to really be withering away.
Last week, my mom called me and told me that Auntie R had been moved to the nursing home in our town, and that for her birthday (on Valentines Day) she wanted to have us all get together and go see Auntie R. ABSOLUTELY I was game...I had been thinking about her lately, and really was excited to go see her again.
I had this nagging feeling though, that instead of waiting until Valentines day, that we should go THAT weekend (which would have been last weekend). I didn't know why, just felt like we should.
Well, DAMMIT, I should have listened to my gut. Now I will be seeing her ONE LAST time in her casket at her wake. I am irritated right now. And sad. And feeling that regret of letting life get in the way of the really important things, and not spending enough time with someone when we have to chance.
UGH.
I know the last time I saw her though that I did impress upon her how much she meant to me in my life, and we shared a moment. It really kind of was a goodbye as at that time they didn't think she would make it much longer. So I guess I have that.
So, goodbye Auntie R. I really did love you and you really did mean a lot to me. Say hi to G-ma M for me, and G-Pa R, and keep an eye out for us from up there, k?
Love you.
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